State Of The Uterus Address, 2013

And now for a bonus Friday afternoon post (aw yeah, I’m a rebel without a cause). Every day on average I get about five readers either asking if I’m pregnant or straight up “calling it” via comments, email, twitter, pinterest, instagram, or carrier pigeon. Which adds up to answering that question – and crushing the dreams of those calling it – around 150 times a month, and a whopping 1,800 times in the last year. The prego-chatter has even hijacked a few comment threads on posts about non-uterus-y topics like room updates and tour infographics. Holy bump-watch, batman! We haven’t seen one of those around here since 2010.

First I’ll get one little detail out of the way: I’m not pregnant. My womb is currently uninhabited.

It’s actually really cool that so many people are excited about the possibility of us expanding this little family of ours. But with the complications of my past (here’s Clara’s birth story for more on that) nothing is guaranteed. My next pregnancy will be high risk and my next child will have a 25% chance of the same life-threatening complication that Clara had. So that definitely contributes to our timing and our general state of mind with regard to any potential bun in the oven. And sometimes all the “you’re prego!” guesses can be a little tough to field day in and day out.

I completely understand that all the excited folks who are inquiring don’t mean any harm (in fact I feel like I should be hugging you while typing this, seriously I love you guys) but in general I think asking someone if they’re pregnant can be a little dicey…

  • It can suggest that you think they’ve gained weight (sometimes I have a tummy – thanks burrito! – but it’s not a baby)
  • It can unintentionally sadden someone who has had trouble getting pregnant or has miscarried (neither of which I’ve personally encountered up to this point, but I certainly could moving forward)
  • It can put them in an uncomfortable position if they are pregnant, but aren’t ready to announce it (which eventually could happen to me for sure)

So this little uterus-centric service announcement is just to solemnly vow to you guys that when the time is right, if we’re blessed with another bouncing bean in the oven, I promise, you will know. Heck, we’ll be so freaking excited that there might be another t-shirt in it for Burger…

So sit tight and know that although you won’t be the first few people we tell (gotta give that privilege to the fam) you’ll definitely hear it straight from our perma-smiling mouths (er, keyboard?) if we reach that safe-to-share milestone. Until then, picture me sipping wine, eating sushi, and soaking up non-prego life as it is right now. With my sweet pooch, my nail-gun-slingin’ hubby, and my little miracle girl (who currently knows the words to nearly every Adam Levine song – seriously, try her).

Thanks so much for understanding, guys. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. And I hope you’ll be sweet to each other in the comments (everyone’s hearts are in the right place about this whole thing). Besides, this means we can all spend more time studying Princess Kate’s royal bump. Where is she hiding that baby? Seriously, can somebody tell me? My belly blocked the view of my feet by 20 weeks (see the second picture in the grid above), so I can only guess that superior lineage = superior baby-hiding prowess.


  1. says

    Amen, girl! Thank you for keeping it real about this! Personally, I’ve had so many miscarriages I can’t even keep count. It’s so hard to answer, “Why no more?” Or “Just one?” It makes my heart sink each time so I appreciate your post on this topic! Asking someone if they are pregnant does not seem like it’s a sensitive question, but it definitely can be!

    • LisaR says

      Here too Phuong. I sat down and figured it out once and I’ve had 13 pregnancy losses. It’s a very touchy subject for me and it can feel very lonely. As Clara’s 3rd birthday is approaching I’m ashamed to admit I was dreading a pregnancy announcement from you. When I saw your post I thought that’s what this post was going to be. I just wanted to thank you for talking sensitively about a subject that’s so painful for so many. (BTW, people always seem to want to know, I did have a bio son, and was also lucky enough to adopt a son and daughter).

  2. Liz says

    Good for you. I’m so sorry you’ve had to field so many “are you pregnant” questions. Definitely kinda insulting and rude. Good luck in the future!

  3. Michele says

    Love to you guys! Bullet point #3 I can especially empathize with, and I only had to worry about that from a handful of people. I can’t imagine how I’d feel handling it on your scale.


  4. says

    Way to keep your private life, private, Sher-Dog! We’ll all be rootin’ for you — whichever way your family expands. (Maybe a Dachshund named “Hot Dog”?) Lots of love to you and the fam …

  5. says

    This makes me want to hug you all the more. You are SO right. I never realized how hurtful the “When are you having a baby??” question could be until one of my close friends struggled with infertility for years. It broke her heart everytime a (well-intentioned) person asked her. They had no idea the struggles she was facing. It really opened my eyes – and I hope this post opens others’ eyes as well!

    • Allison says

      I am in the same situation as your friend and it hurts a lot when people say that. I think the people who ask these questions have had easy pregnancies and don’t realize that people struggle (infertility, miscarriages, birthed children to die, etc.). Once you’ve struggled (or know someone who has), it opens your mind and you realize what goes on in this world and you learn to keep your mouth shut!

    • Suzi says

      Thanks for putting this thought out there. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for 3 years and it sometimes brings me to tears when people ask. I know they only mean well but it can be so heartbreaking.

  6. Jen says

    I always get uncomfortable with people constantly asking too- like you’re going to answer it in a comment!

    I do feel your pain- I have been with my boyfriend for 4+ years and people are constantly asking when we are getting married! Back off!

    • Tina says

      Amen to THAT, Jen! And amen to you, Sherry.. I’m more interested in how you got back into such great shape!

    • says

      Haha, that took forever! My only tip is from my mom: “in our family we don’t lose it all until we stop breastfeeding, since our bodies tend to hang onto some extra fat to keep milk production going.” It turned out to be totally true! After 14 months of breastfeeding I couldn’t drop those last lbs, but once Clara weaned herself they finally came off (way to take your time, lbs! haha!).


    • andrea says

      Jen -I totes feel you too! My honey and I just had out 4 year on Tuesday, and everyone has been bugging us about getting hitched -come on, we’ll do it whenever it’s right!

      His mama is the worst about it tho. Sort of flattering, I guess, but jeez.

    • Darbi says

      We’ve been dating 7 years now and I get the same question. Now that my sis has a bun in the oven, it is even worse. It is now a game between me and the BF to come up with the most retarded answers for when people ask when we are getting married. You should see the looks we get.

    • lauren says

      It took me and my bf 12 years to get engaged… so I hear ya! I definitely wasn’t in any rush, but it was still annoying to have to say “Meh, sometime down the line” over and over.

    • Steph H. says

      I get this all the time! His sis-in-law is the worst! She and his brother just had a baby, and now it’s ‘you need to get married and have a kid so he can have a playmate.’ I just usually laugh her off but sometimes I want to scream! We’ve been together almost 5 yrs. We have a plan for when everything will/we want to happen.

  7. Kim says

    love this! so true – when someone wants to share that they are expecting – THEY will share. =) as a mom of 3 3 1/2 and under, i’ve BEEN there. thanks for sharing this.

  8. says

    It’s really crappy that you have to deal with that question, whether the intent is just enthusiasm or what, on such a regular basis. I think this was a fantastic way to address it . . . just too bad you HAVE to, you know? Strangely enough, I feel like women of childbearing age in general have to deal with this enough as it is, let alone if you have a gazillion blog followers!!! We’re waiting a while on #2 as well, btw. Nothing wrong with that! Have a great weekend.

  9. Lisa says

    My awesome boys are 5 1/2 years apart and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Both my pregnancies were high risk and I was on bed rest for 2 1/2 months with both. You and John, and only you and John, will know when the right time is for you and your family. Hugs to you! :-)

  10. says

    My daughter is just a month younger than yours and I remember when you posted your birth story having tears streaming down my cheeks. I still tear up about it and I don’t even really know you. Good luck to your family when you feel the timing is right, you know a whole host of us on the interwebs will be hoping and praying for the safe arrival of baby #2.

  11. says

    I am awed by your impressive tact in tackling this tricky subject. I think you’re the politest person I have ever met (because I have met you! and it was great!).

    I usually try to go with the rule that you don’t ask if a woman’s pregnant unless you can see the baby coming out (and why are you looking there anyway?). Know that we will rejoice when you do decide to expand your family, and I hope we’re all able to be patient until that day.

  12. Laura C. says

    I’ve been religiously reading your blog for 4+ years and I’ve never commented until now. Kudos to you! As I tell my husband, a woman could be 40 weeks pregnant with triplets and I’m not saying a word until she does! :)

    • Aliya says

      Ditto. I’ve been reading since you guys put your wedding on the blog and have never commented until now. I’d have lost my cool long ago, so kudos to you for addressing this so calmly and kindly.

    • JC says

      Well put, Laura. I had a patient’s mom who was obviously pregnant, but she never said a thing, week after week. Finally, when she was full term I said “see you next week” and she replied, “oh, X won’t be here, I’m having the baby”. I then, 20-some weeks after it had become “obvious” congratulated her.

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