State Of The Uterus Address, 2013

And now for a bonus Friday afternoon post (aw yeah, I’m a rebel without a cause). Every day on average I get about five readers either asking if I’m pregnant or straight up “calling it” via comments, email, twitter, pinterest, instagram, or carrier pigeon. Which adds up to answering that question – and crushing the dreams of those calling it – around 150 times a month, and a whopping 1,800 times in the last year. The prego-chatter has even hijacked a few comment threads on posts about non-uterus-y topics like room updates and tour infographics. Holy bump-watch, batman! We haven’t seen one of those around here since 2010.

First I’ll get one little detail out of the way: I’m not pregnant. My womb is currently uninhabited.

It’s actually really cool that so many people are excited about the possibility of us expanding this little family of ours. But with the complications of my past (here’s Clara’s birth story for more on that) nothing is guaranteed. My next pregnancy will be high risk and my next child will have a 25% chance of the same life-threatening complication that Clara had. So that definitely contributes to our timing and our general state of mind with regard to any potential bun in the oven. And sometimes all the “you’re prego!” guesses can be a little tough to field day in and day out.

I completely understand that all the excited folks who are inquiring don’t mean any harm (in fact I feel like I should be hugging you while typing this, seriously I love you guys) but in general I think asking someone if they’re pregnant can be a little dicey…

  • It can suggest that you think they’ve gained weight (sometimes I have a tummy – thanks burrito! – but it’s not a baby)
  • It can unintentionally sadden someone who has had trouble getting pregnant or has miscarried (neither of which I’ve personally encountered up to this point, but I certainly could moving forward)
  • It can put them in an uncomfortable position if they are pregnant, but aren’t ready to announce it (which eventually could happen to me for sure)

So this little uterus-centric service announcement is just to solemnly vow to you guys that when the time is right, if we’re blessed with another bouncing bean in the oven, I promise, you will know. Heck, we’ll be so freaking excited that there might be another t-shirt in it for Burger…

So sit tight and know that although you won’t be the first few people we tell (gotta give that privilege to the fam) you’ll definitely hear it straight from our perma-smiling mouths (er, keyboard?) if we reach that safe-to-share milestone. Until then, picture me sipping wine, eating sushi, and soaking up non-prego life as it is right now. With my sweet pooch, my nail-gun-slingin’ hubby, and my little miracle girl (who currently knows the words to nearly every Adam Levine song – seriously, try her).

Thanks so much for understanding, guys. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. And I hope you’ll be sweet to each other in the comments (everyone’s hearts are in the right place about this whole thing). Besides, this means we can all spend more time studying Princess Kate’s royal bump. Where is she hiding that baby? Seriously, can somebody tell me? My belly blocked the view of my feet by 20 weeks (see the second picture in the grid above), so I can only guess that superior lineage = superior baby-hiding prowess.


    • kate C. says

      Well said!! Let people say when they’re ready. There’s no bonus points or extra dessert for guessing first, so yeah… chill! :)

    • says

      I totally agree with Amanda.

      Having dealt with the comments for the past year and a half myself, I ended up freaking out on my family and friends (all of whom were asking because they were excited that we might have kids at some point)because it gets exhausting and, sometimes, really really tough. I didn’t put it quite as eloquently as this post did, I told them all to back off and that we will certainly let them know if/when there is news, but until then, the conversation was totally off limits, and, if asked again, I would not tell them until I was in labor. Seemed to work ;)

    • says

      Agreed! I don’t know how you deal with it, Sherry. (hugs)

      We had the opposite problem, and people were always saying ‘another one?’ or ‘you have 4, what’s one more?’ My womb is my business, people. ;)

      The state of our baby-making is no one’s business.

      No matter what the future holds you already have an amazing family. :)

    • jbhat says

      I will “eighth” the original comment, since someone beat me to seconding, thirding, etc. it. Well said to you and to Amanda.


    • nicole says

      couldn’t agree more! unfortunately reproduction is always a touchy topic….I have 4 boys and carry a bit of extra weight around my tummy and I am constantly getting asked if I am preggo, or when we are trying for a girl….seriously it’s like MIND YOUR OWN WOMB! Kuddos to you for posting and doing so in such a polite manor ;-)

    • Andrea says

      I totally agree with Amanda. I don’t think that people realize it can be really rude to constantly hound someone about pregnancy. You never know what they are going through.

    • Jenni says

      Agreed! I am commenting for nearly the first time to tell you this was handled so gracefully.

    • Roxanne says

      I couldn’t agree more. I aspire to be as gracious… for now I just give people the evil eye until they hush up about it. If that doesn’t work I end up resorting to much harsher words that never seem to go over well.

    • Erica says

      Definitely. Sometimes the question can send women into serious crying fits. The worst was after my hysterectomy and people asking when I was due. It was the only time I would ever look slightly pregnant and just made it harder to deal with. Be kind, people, you never know what is going on in someone’s personal and medical life.

    • Caralyn says

      Agreed 100%!!!

      It’s especially hard after suffering pregnancy loss (or stillbirth or infant loss). My hardest time was a week after my second miscarriage (two pregnancies followed by two losses) and a co-worker asked me when my husband and I were going to start having babies … to which I could only reply “when they stop dying.”

      It was not my most gracious moment, for sure. This post is much more polite! :-)

    • Shelley @ Green Eggs and Hamlet says

      Totally agree with Amanda E. You and John are always so gracious about tackling what I imagine can be a tricky and sensitive topic (I’ve not yet had kids so don’t have personal experience). Thanks, as always, for being so laid back and upfront about the whole thing.

    • says

      i think there’s a lot of talk about female plumbing on the mommyblogs, some of which spills over into the reno blogs. i think you two are supremely well-mannered with this and so much more.

      i’ve only ever asked one person in my entire life if she was pregnant. her belly was at eye level. i was sitting by my mother’s bed. she was my mother’s hospice nurse. she said, no, i’m just fat.

      i’m still mortified.

  1. Eve says

    Man, I always feel for you getting asked this OVER AND OVER. People mean well, but should mind their own beeswax:). You’re beautiful. Enjoy some more wine!

  2. Riki says

    It’s because Kate is so tall! Lots of vertical space for expansion . . . unfortunately short girls like us pretty much only grow out.

    • La Rêveuse says

      Yep, I vouch. Not tall by any stretch of the imagination (5’6″), but very long torsoed (and short legged), and it wasn’t obvious I was pregnant until I was about 6 months along with my first. With my second? Closer to 6 weeks. ;) Just warning you. You get pregnant, and the next morning you probably won’t see your feet!

      Best of luck to you if you do decide to expand the family. Or just get another chihuahua. Would you name him Fries?

    • Sarah says

      I think this is true, but less about being tall and more about having a long torso. I have a long torso and took FOREVER to “pop”. Which was kind of a bummer, because since people didn’t realize I was pregnant, I thought I must just look fat. :/

    • Paula says

      Yup. That is totally it. I am 5 feet 0 inches and every time I was prego (3) people asked if I was having twins!! Pretty rude, right?

    • E.D.R. says

      It is definitely the long torso. I am tall (ish) 5’7″ but have an incredibly short torso (my hip bones and ribs almost touch). After 3 kids, my ribcage is about 3 inches larger than it was, just because there wasn’t anywhere else for the babies to go. So it isn’t just you shorties! In fact, my 4’11” friend had a smaller bump with her babies because we are the same height when we are sitting – her height is all in her torso, and mine is in my legs (funny when we stand up). Anyhoo, more than was needed, but I have been thinking the same thing about Princess Kate!

    • says

      I’m not sure – I’m almost 18 weeks and was showing before I even hit the 12 week mark, yet a girl shorter and skinnier than me who is only about a week or so behind me doesn’t even look pregnant yet! I keep wondering where she’s hiding it.
      She hasn’t had any morning sickness either. Not that I would wish that hell on anybody, but some people have all the luck.

    • Maya says

      I def. agree about the long torso… it’s not the most attractive build otherwise, but when I was pregnant I appreciated my short legs and long body! Another reason some women don’t “pop” early is a uterus that sticks backwards instead of forward– strange but true. :) Apparently having strong abs also helps!

  3. KAS says

    Amen! I think you should add a disclaimer below the comment box that you’ll send OMG YOU’RE PREGGO comments straight to the trash where they belong.

    And I, too, wonder where Kate Middleton is hiding that baby. Hard to tell under all her fabulous coats!

    • Lauren says

      Ditto, you should spam them — they’re rude.

      You’re more gracious than most would be, Sherry :)

    • Plein Jane says

      I say Kate’s baby is in the Queen’s handbag! (She’s gotta be putting something in there besides hankies.)

    • says

      Yeah, I can vouch about #2.

      I’m so glad you just asked people to stop it, and so graciously too, Sherry! Here, I’ll pour you some more wine. :-)

  4. Monika says

    Thank you for being so open and sharing your lives with all of your followers. That must have been a difficult post to write.

  5. says

    Thanks for this post! It is definitely a touchy topic for some people and it is good to have a reminder that everyone has different timing and struggles with it comes to babymaking!

  6. shelikestotravel says

    Well said! It always amazes me when people ask really personal questions and expects an answer. As if their curiosity is more important than anything else.

  7. Vivian says

    Great post, Sherry! You are certainly entitled to privacy on such an issue. I know that people are asking from a good place but as someone who suffered from infertility for 8-1/2 years, I agree that well-meaning comments can sometimes be hard to take. How ’bout if we just trust you to let us know when and if? Thanks for sharing your heart – I think you’ve helped a lot of people today!

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