And now for a bonus Friday afternoon post (aw yeah, I’m a rebel without a cause). Every day on average I get about five readers either asking if I’m pregnant or straight up “calling it” via comments, email, twitter, pinterest, instagram, or carrier pigeon. Which adds up to answering that question – and crushing the dreams of those calling it – around 150 times a month, and a whopping 1,800 times in the last year. The prego-chatter has even hijacked a few comment threads on posts about non-uterus-y topics like room updates and tour infographics. Holy bump-watch, batman! We haven’t seen one of those around here since 2010.
First I’ll get one little detail out of the way: I’m not pregnant. My womb is currently uninhabited.
It’s actually really cool that so many people are excited about the possibility of us expanding this little family of ours. But with the complications of my past (here’s Clara’s birth story for more on that) nothing is guaranteed. My next pregnancy will be high risk and my next child will have a 25% chance of the same life-threatening complication that Clara had. So that definitely contributes to our timing and our general state of mind with regard to any potential bun in the oven. And sometimes all the “you’re prego!” guesses can be a little tough to field day in and day out.
I completely understand that all the excited folks who are inquiring don’t mean any harm (in fact I feel like I should be hugging you while typing this, seriously I love you guys) but in general I think asking someone if they’re pregnant can be a little dicey…
- It can suggest that you think they’ve gained weight (sometimes I have a tummy – thanks burrito! – but it’s not a baby)
- It can unintentionally sadden someone who has had trouble getting pregnant or has miscarried (neither of which I’ve personally encountered up to this point, but I certainly could moving forward)
- It can put them in an uncomfortable position if they are pregnant, but aren’t ready to announce it (which eventually could happen to me for sure)
So this little uterus-centric service announcement is just to solemnly vow to you guys that when the time is right, if we’re blessed with another bouncing bean in the oven, I promise, you will know. Heck, we’ll be so freaking excited that there might be another t-shirt in it for Burger…
So sit tight and know that although you won’t be the first few people we tell (gotta give that privilege to the fam) you’ll definitely hear it straight from our perma-smiling mouths (er, keyboard?) if we reach that safe-to-share milestone. Until then, picture me sipping wine, eating sushi, and soaking up non-prego life as it is right now. With my sweet pooch, my nail-gun-slingin’ hubby, and my little miracle girl (who currently knows the words to nearly every Adam Levine song – seriously, try her).
Thanks so much for understanding, guys. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. And I hope you’ll be sweet to each other in the comments (everyone’s hearts are in the right place about this whole thing). Besides, this means we can all spend more time studying Princess Kate’s royal bump. Where is she hiding that baby? Seriously, can somebody tell me? My belly blocked the view of my feet by 20 weeks (see the second picture in the grid above), so I can only guess that superior lineage = superior baby-hiding prowess.
Ellen says
Feel free to ignore the people who comment and ask if you’re pregnant. Either send those comments to the trash, or approve them and let us commenters who have your back call out the inappropriate people on your behalf.
Seriously.
Beth K. says
Seriously, thank you so much for this post. I get asked the same question all of the time from friends and family and it’s so hard to handle (and not even in a public arena!). I know people mean well but it can be so hard when, for a variety of reasons, you’re not preggo (even if you want to be). It’s such a private matter, so props to you for graciously telling everyone to keep it that way :). YHL for the win!
Jenni says
All I can say is “You go girl”. Mmm-hmm.
I got (and still get) pretty annoyed by people constantly asking me if we’re “done” having kids because we have three already. So what if we’re not? So what if we are? And, before the third, it was always, “when are you going to have another one?”.
I purposely never ask these questions to anyone. You have been so graceful and forgiving!!!!
It ain’t their bee’s wax. Or, as they say in French “Occupe-toi de tes oignons!” (Mind your own onions).
Andrea A says
Thank you!
Coming from someone in the “we really would love to be pregnant but are experiencing difficulties getting there” department, it can be very discouraging when I hear over and over “Y’all need to just have kids!” “Why aren’t you pregnant yet?” “Do you have something to tell me?!” as if this very personal decision and journey between a husband and wife is as casual as picking a paint color or buying a new couch. But it can be difficult explaining those feelings to someone who doesn’t mean any harm but just wants to feel included and be excited for you; so reading the kind, appreciative way you approached this subject was so refreshing!
Mucho kudos!
Christine says
I have been telling people those reasons for not asking about baby creation for like a year now. I’m glad you’re spreading the word!
Maybe one more bullet – Depending on whom is asking, it could be completely awkward because it is sort of like asking someone about their sex life!
LindsayH says
Great post, Sherry. As someone who is struggling with infertility, I have been cringing when reading some of the comments you are getting. Though you aren’t in the exact same situation, I think people really don’t realize how hurtful their words and insinuations can be. And part of it, too, is that I think people will just be like “you’re pregnant!” every single day, and then if/when it becomes true they can be like “see! I was right!”
Jill says
Love this post! I’m due in two months with our first and we struggled to get preggo. We knew that people were excited for us to experience this next step, but the questions and comments we fielded were tough and sometimes still are – and those were just from our friends, family and colleagues – not the thousands of folks who read your blog! I know people have the best intentions, but I’m glad you wrote this. I hope when you and John decide to expand the fam that you have a happy, healthy and easy pregnancy!
Maria says
this is very gracious of you. I really do not understand the gall of people asking a complete stranger on the internet if they are pregnant (its to the point on this site that comments are almost unreadable). so incredibly insensitive for all the reasons you listed even if those don’t apply to you. even if family does it, its annoying and hurtful, let alone a hoard of strangers. You really have the patience of a saint!
Jes-ka says
Well said, as always. :)
Topic aside, I am so impressed by your ability to address situations that are tough to talk about or potentially embarrassing. You both are great role models for the internet age.
Have a great weekend. <3
M Mingo says
Good for you!! As someone who is recently married – going on 7 months :) and a “tad” older – going on 34. I get the “when you guys having a baby” question a lot! To be honest, my husband and I have always been on the fence regarding children – whether to have them or not. People seem shocked to hear this – Gasp! How could we NOT want them…again, that’s a very personal decision and maybe not one we want to share with everyone who asks. Kudos to you and I’m sure it’s hard hearing the questions all the time…even if they are all in good faith. All the best and I’ll be keeping watch if/when the time comes – no pressure!!! :) :)
A says
Ditto to this post! I’ve been married for almost 5 years and my husband & I are on the fence about kids. We are leaning more “against” than “for.” People act like that’s not even an option. That you MUST have kids. It’s our business whether we want them or not!
Sherry, you’re always so classy! I am so glad you finally addressed this. All of the comments people made would just piss me off on your behalf.
Anne G. says
Hi Sherry – As someone who is childless for various different reasons, I can totally relate to some of what you’re saying. Pregnancy is such a sensitive topic. And, interestingly, for me at least, having nobody ask anything at all can sometimes be just as bad as everyone asking all the time. Most of my friends are currently either pregnant or have relatively new babies. Only two friends have cautiously brought up the subject with me, and invited me to talk openly, without any judgment. I really appreciated the ability to talk about all the reasons I don’t have children, and the mixed feelings associated with that. It makes me sad that my other friends won’t talk about the topic of babies with me at all — except their own babies, that is. But, back to YOU. I’m so glad you posted and asked for what you want and need. I hope that all your readers are respectful of your request.
GreekWife says
I definitely want to apologize to you then. In my blog post I wrote about meeting you guys at the living social event, I joked about how I needed you guys to get pregnant in order for me to, since you do everything about a year before me. I got big time scolded in a comment, but more importantly I would never want to make someone upset/uncomfortable! Good luck when you’re ready :)
YoungHouseLove says
Aw don’t even think twice about it GreekWife, I know you didn’t mean any harm at all :)
xo
s
Jess @ Crunchy Hot Mama says
AW Sherry, I never thought about all the pressure and sadness it brought you. I have somewhat felt the same, since my blog is about being a crunchy mama, but am in no rush.
Thanks for keeping it real with your readers…hopefully this will prompt people to leave you alone in that department. I still don’t understand why people feel compelled to stick their nose is other’s business (uterus), but know it happens constantly. People should be able to accept the fact that a couple may only want one child, so chill. If the day ever happens for #2, we will all keep you in our thoughts and prayers for a safe and healthy pregnancy :)
Enjoy some wine and sushi for me!
Monica Holmes says
I’m fairly certain Princess Kate has a magic wand for concealing her bump. She’s adorable regardless. I’m very thin like you and the best way to describe my bump is with the most-frequently-heard comment I got when I returned to work: “Wow, you look great. You were HUGE!!” (Thanks…I think…??)
Anne G. says
P.S. You could also post more pictures of yourself holding a glass of wine! :)
Lindsey says
Sherry, this is such a graceful and kind post. I’ve had a few friends who have had difficulty with fertility and it crushes them when people continuously ask, “So when are you having a (or the next) baby?” So, this is tactful on so many levels — addressing your own need to be able to tell the world if and when you’re having another baby on your own terms, and reminding us all that every woman has a right to do the same. You’re the best.
Kristen says
Sherri, you are awesome! You just have a way of making the awkward conversation both hilarious and gracious at the same time. I want to ‘like’ this post and a bunch of the comments already shared above. Sherri, you really do have encouraging and wonderful fans.
Have a great weekend!
Jenn says
Amen. I have been wondering how you handle all these inquiries given your Clara delivery story. I have dealt with infertility and each time I have seen those comments I feel a little dagger in my heart for you, because I know how hard those questions are. And living so publicly as you do would make it that much harder.
Good post – though I have no doubt it all came from a good place, people need to be reminded.
Michele says
I don’t comment much but I have to tell you this was the most tactful post I’ve ever read. I always feel uncomfortable for you when I read the latest round of “Sherry must be pregnant”. It’s neither appropriate for others to say or information for public consumption until you say it is. I also have a friend who has been asked many times if she is pregnant when she is NOT due to her body shape, and it’s very painful for her. Moral of the story, we (especially us women) should never, EVER comment on a woman’s possible pregnancy – until you notice the baby is coming out as someone said earlier :) ha!
Michele says
Noticing what I said is a bit unclear – my friend is asked due to her body shape if she is pregnant, but she is in fact, not.
Jordan says
Good for you Sherry. Thoughtful and to the point. I’ve struggled with fielding these questions before as well, and I hope this will help some people take a step back and think about this type of sweet/invasive question before they blurt it out in the future!
Jessica says
You guys are so honest and open with your lives that we as readers really feel like we know you. Unfortunately for you, that sometimes means the lines get blurred between what’s appropriate/ what’s personal/ what’s NOYB!. I, too, had a very scary, difficult birth with emergency C-section, following a previous miscarriage, so the idea of getting pregnant again still scares me even after 2-1/2 years. To those who haven’t been through it, the fact that you both survived and are thriving makes it not seem as serious, but when it happens to one personally, it’s hard to ever get over it. It’s really hard to explain that without making people feel awkward when they playfully ask, “when are you gonna have another,” but you have done so beautifully. It’s especially sad when a couple has been married for years, trying for years to get pregnant, and they constantly get asked when they’re going to start a family.
If you ever expand your brood, I know I’ll be super happy for you, but if you don’t I’m happy for you, too. Frankly, it’s none of my or anyone else’s business. Fantastic post, Sherry!
Anne [A Squared] says
Thanks so much for posting this– You are so right. I feel like all eyes are on me every time I am bloated or opt not to have a glass of wine. It’s even more awkward/uncomfortable/rude when people flat out ask!
Missi says
Wow! What a great post. It must not always be easy having your life on display for public observation. Building a family is a very personal and sensitive thing. I’m glad that you addressed this, and you made some really excellent points.
You are brave.
Bec says
We haven’t even started our family yet and me and my husband are constantly hounded about when we will have a baby. I can’t imagine hearing it 1000s of times a month from complete strangers!
Erica M says
Bravo on this post. I bet you wish you could keep parts of your life more private and maybe not have to give a state of the uterus address (SO clever!). I’ve been married 2.5 years and have been getting asked when we’re having kids since before the wedding and it drives me bonkers! I can only imagine how people feel who are trying to conceive/having infertility issues/miscarriages must feel when being constantly questioned. I don’t know when/how this got to be such an appropriate question to ask in the first place!
Megan says
I’m so glad you guys addressed this issue. Every time you have to write “…and no, I’m not pregnant”, I wince, because while I love that you are open about so much of your lives, being pregnant (or not) shouldn’t be anyone else’s business until you are good and ready for it to be. I hope the followers who are intent on being “the first to know” would respect your privacy in that area a bit more. Having gone through infertility and a miscarriage, I have vowed never to ask anyone anything related to baby-making unless they bring it up first. There are days when women going through those situations can barely make it through the grocery store looking at all the kiddos in carts…that is some seriously painful stuff right there and I would hate to inflict more pain on anyone.
Thank you for your honesty…I love reading about you, your little family, and your home!
Caitlin says
Well said. I’m on my second pregnancy now and it still baffles me that anyone and everyone think they have a right to know or exclaim to the world what might or might not be happening in your uterus. Men, we don’t guess about the conditions of your prostate. Ladies, we don’t think you are insightful for noticing we are bloated. Until you are told something, you should say nothing. If told something, the only appropriate response is “congratulations”.
YoungHouseLove says
Yeah, don’t expect a “State of the Prostate Address” by me anytime soon (or ever). :)
-John
vanessa says
Well done. It’s hard when people feel they know you through your blog but in fact they really don’t at all. This was a classy, well written post.
Now, more pics of John sans shirt please!
Linda says
I almost want to stand up at my computer and applaud you right now, Sherry. I will sometimes read the comments on your blog and think that you guys must have nerves of steel to not bite back at half of them, and I confess that the pregnancy comments have always bothered me. You would never walk up to a stranger on the street and ask if they’re pregnant, so I don’t know why the anonymity of the internet makes it ok.
What I’m trying to say in my (rambling) comment is…kudos to you for saying this. People needed to hear it. ;) xoxo
Bethany says
Isn’t funny how on the topic of pregnancy people think all questions and comments are okay? I once had a homeless man ask me to give my little guy the nickname ‘juicy’ when they were born.
I cannot imagine how weird it must be to be asked that question regularly. My theory is you are some kick-ass parents and your readers know it and want you to keep doing what you do so well. A thoughtful post and whether or not you have just the one or go for some new record I shall keep on reading.
Megan says
Beautifully stated! We get asked ALL the time if we are gonna have babies anytime soon-and we would love to! But when you are trying and aren’t getting pregnant, it makes it hurt a little when people constantly ask. Your family is so precious :)
Lindsey S says
I hate it when people ask me if I’m pregnant. We dont have kids yet, and I find it genuinely rude. When I worked in retail, I had 5 women in one month ask me when my baby was due. I would just look at them and respond with “Not pregnant, just fat, thanks!”. God forbid I wear an unflattering uniform I was supposed to wear! I even had a co worker last night ask me if I was expecting. If you cant tell the difference between a baby bump and a set of car keys in a hoodie pocket, I think we have bigger problems on our hands!
It always reminds me of this- http://cdn.iwastesomuchtime.com/7182012040744iwsmt.jpeg
YoungHouseLove says
Haha, I’ve never seen that. Too funny!
xo
s
Amy in PA says
Love it! Keep up the honest & great work!!
Catherine says
Good for you, Sherry.
cali says
for such a gangsta $her, you are so well spoken! <3
kimberly helton says
I had a woman approach me (last December) in person and ask “when are you due”?! I stepped back and said I’m not pregnant. Then she went on … “are you sure?!” I ran out of the room crying. I was so hurt. I do look pregnant but I’m not. I had miscarried a baby in December right before Christmas five years ago. It was really hard to hear. I have lost five babies but I’m very very blessed to have two amazing daughters!! People don’t mean to be rude but I was really hurt when that happened. I also hear that I look angry all the time. I’m not I can be in the bestest mood ever but if I’m not making a huge cheesey grin then I look mad. So I guess what I’m saying here is I need to drop much lbs and get a face lift to be considered “normal” where I live.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Kimberly, I’m so sorry for your loss and hope that never happens again.
xo
s
Kitty says
I can hear you on this – I actually had a lady in a shop accuse me of lying when I denied I was pregnant – a complete stranger to me. I didn’t respond in a particularly pleasant way at that point, I’m ashamed to say.
I am sorry for your losses.
MJ says
I am so proud of you for posting this. I would love to put this out as my own “state of the uterus”. Thank you.
cporoski says
THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!! Sherry, this is a great post. I am in my 30s and married. My husband and I have dealt with infertility and a miscarriage. When strangers and acquaintances ask or judge, I get so sad. They don’t mean any harm but they just don’t know.
Amy says
Every time I hear anyone ask anyone else if they’re pregnant, I cringe! It’s just not something you ask unless you are the daddy-to-be. And even then, that could be pushing it! It’s just good manners!
But you know, even with this post (that should have been totally unnecessary) you will still get people asking all the time!
Chauncy says
Love love love this post!! You so gracefully put into words what is so true for so many ladies.
JoAnn in NJ says
Aw, you are so very sweet and very charming. I also had years of infertility until I was able to adopt my gorgeous daughter (seven years ago next week!) – so I understand a little of your angst, and appreciate your sensativity
Enjoy your girlie -she is a treasure! I’m so very glad your incredible journey had the happiest ending!
BTW, when my daughter began to ask for a baby brother – we did adopt again (this time it was a shih-ztu poodle that we named Maddie!) But our human child is our one and only and that’s okay too – believe me at age 7 she wouldn’t have it any other way!
Enjoy the wine, sushi, cold cuts, hot tubs, and whatever else that us non pregnant ladies can enjoy!
We are here for you!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks JoAnn! Your sweet family sounds perfect.
xo
s
Gabriella @ OLinA says
Good for you Sherry. It stings a little when I get asked by on person, I couldn’t imagine it on a daily basis by hundreds of people.
We love ya too. Enjoy your family and what will be will be. :-D
Valerie says
I never post about you being preggo and I did today. I got excited when John said you were coming back for another “bonus post”.
I can’t imagine fielding all those questions all the time. It can cause you to second guess yourself if everyone else feels a certain way. I’ve had so many friends have scary deliveries or miscarriages that I’ve realized people need to tell it on their own. Since I didn’t follow you guys when you had Clara I can’t wait to be “involved” this time around if you have another.
Until then John, Clara, Burger and ceremic animals already complete your life! :)
Jessica says
I have been thinking for a while that you should post a disclaimer like this! You get asked ALLL THHEEE TIMME. As a 33 year old women who has been married for three years and has not had a child yet, I too get asked ALLL THHEEE TIMME. It’s nice that people are excited, but, really, see bullets above! You should add to this (based on commonly asked questions, especially on your Facebook page): 1. “Yes, Clara’s hair is growing” and 2. “There’s a source list on our House Tour page.” ; )
Sarah S says
Go Sherry! So glad you’ve written this because I’m annoyed on your behalf every time you have to put a disclaimer on posts. We are lucky that you share your home and ideas with us – no one need push you to share more of your personal life than you choose! And maybe this will help remind folks that they shouldn’t ask anyone that question – not in the grocery store, not at work, etc. Rather, let each woman make her own decisions when, where, and with whom to share her own stuff, because it’s made many of my friends cry over weight gain before.
Mandy says
I honestly cringe every time I read one of those comments/questions. It’s so easy for us to forget that although you invite us into your home, we aren’t BFFs! That kind of thing is very personal – especially when there are sensitive matters. Besides, not everyone wants more than one. It’s rude to assume otherwise. Very gracious post, Sherry. I’m not sure I could’ve been so nice about it :)
Andrea says
I am SO glad you addressed this. It bothers me when people constantly ask/speculate about pregnancy – I know it’s well-intentioned and no one means to hurt anyone, but it can be a dagger to the heart for some (myself included after much struggle & heartache). You handled this with so much grace and love – now really, enjoy that wine. And thank you for speaking out :)
Kristin | the Hunted Interior says
I get this question a lot too… And as they continue to ask & ask & ask they finally get quiet real quick after a finite “my husband got clipped!” response :) Only one for this family!! Officially! Love ya’ll & all your awesomeness.
xo-Kristin
shereen says
Word. You go gurl! My husband and I are trying for our first, and people are so funny sometimes with the personal questions! It feels like a weird cultural shift where there is so much attention to people (famous people) having babies/being moms etc. It’s nice, but I wonder if that’s the reason why this social “weirdness” of asking people if they’re preggers has increased lately?
brooke says
sherry, thank you! thank you for speaking for us, when we just don’t know what to say. the inevitable “when is #2 coming?” question is always an awkward one, especially when I just want to say, I wish yesterday!