And now for a bonus Friday afternoon post (aw yeah, I’m a rebel without a cause). Every day on average I get about five readers either asking if I’m pregnant or straight up “calling it” via comments, email, twitter, pinterest, instagram, or carrier pigeon. Which adds up to answering that question – and crushing the dreams of those calling it – around 150 times a month, and a whopping 1,800 times in the last year. The prego-chatter has even hijacked a few comment threads on posts about non-uterus-y topics like room updates and tour infographics. Holy bump-watch, batman! We haven’t seen one of those around here since 2010.
First I’ll get one little detail out of the way: I’m not pregnant. My womb is currently uninhabited.
It’s actually really cool that so many people are excited about the possibility of us expanding this little family of ours. But with the complications of my past (here’s Clara’s birth story for more on that) nothing is guaranteed. My next pregnancy will be high risk and my next child will have a 25% chance of the same life-threatening complication that Clara had. So that definitely contributes to our timing and our general state of mind with regard to any potential bun in the oven. And sometimes all the “you’re prego!” guesses can be a little tough to field day in and day out.
I completely understand that all the excited folks who are inquiring don’t mean any harm (in fact I feel like I should be hugging you while typing this, seriously I love you guys) but in general I think asking someone if they’re pregnant can be a little dicey…
- It can suggest that you think they’ve gained weight (sometimes I have a tummy – thanks burrito! – but it’s not a baby)
- It can unintentionally sadden someone who has had trouble getting pregnant or has miscarried (neither of which I’ve personally encountered up to this point, but I certainly could moving forward)
- It can put them in an uncomfortable position if they are pregnant, but aren’t ready to announce it (which eventually could happen to me for sure)
So this little uterus-centric service announcement is just to solemnly vow to you guys that when the time is right, if we’re blessed with another bouncing bean in the oven, I promise, you will know. Heck, we’ll be so freaking excited that there might be another t-shirt in it for Burger…
So sit tight and know that although you won’t be the first few people we tell (gotta give that privilege to the fam) you’ll definitely hear it straight from our perma-smiling mouths (er, keyboard?) if we reach that safe-to-share milestone. Until then, picture me sipping wine, eating sushi, and soaking up non-prego life as it is right now. With my sweet pooch, my nail-gun-slingin’ hubby, and my little miracle girl (who currently knows the words to nearly every Adam Levine song – seriously, try her).
Thanks so much for understanding, guys. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. And I hope you’ll be sweet to each other in the comments (everyone’s hearts are in the right place about this whole thing). Besides, this means we can all spend more time studying Princess Kate’s royal bump. Where is she hiding that baby? Seriously, can somebody tell me? My belly blocked the view of my feet by 20 weeks (see the second picture in the grid above), so I can only guess that superior lineage = superior baby-hiding prowess.
Hope Ward says
Well said, er written.
Tasha says
As others said, great post. It can be all too easy for people to forget sensitivity and basic polite inquiries when it comes to babies. It’s something about the hormones I guess. “BABY?! WHO IS HAVING A BABY?! ARE YOU?!!” Shhh, calm yourselves. Be polite!
Brooke says
Amen, sister! Good post! We struggled with infertility and finally got pregnant through IVF and then had a scary pregnancy and my son came early. He’s a happy, healthy 8 month old now, but I can’t even think about baby number two yet! But that doesn’t stop friends and family asking when I’ll do it all over again! I know they mean well and are just excited, but it can make you feel like a “baby factory” instead of a human being. :)
Andy says
As I started to read this post I thoguht this was an annoucement. Boo!
But I do understand you, Sherry. When Young House Love baby #2 it will be fantastic!
Love and blessing from Brazil.
ps: my womb is also uninhabited.
Corey Ann says
I cringe every time I see anyone speculate about anyone being pregnant. Until it is announced, you play stupid because you never know what the true story is. I have a friend who had a miscarriage then got pregnant again to end up losing her son at 3 weeks. We went to lunch a month or so later and someone asked when she was due and my heart broke for her. I’m still amazed she didn’t cry as I would have done (or kick them in the shin!). I hope your little PSA even gets one person to check themselves before the wreck themselves [said in my best rapper voice].
Corey Ann says
erhm, he was 3 weeks old when he died, she wasn’t 3 weeks along. That was a bit muddy, whoops!
YoungHouseLove says
That’s so sad Corey Ann. Sending lots of love to your friend and her family.
xo
s
Jan says
Kudos to you for addressing this so graciously! Most of us moms have been at the other end of the “is she or isn’t she” debate, I think, and it can be hurtful and definitely unflattering. If and when the time is right, I wish you the best! But if Clara ends up being an only and that’s right for your family, I wish you the best with that, too! Your family, your decisions.
Kerry says
You are seriously the best. Well done.
Allen says
Ditto.
Krysta says
Amen to this! I am of the opinion that you NEVER ask even if it is super obvious.
I have a one year old and was asked by someone (a person who is not known for her tact) if I was expecting. I held my cool but had a nice little cry when I got home. I can’t imagine dealing with this scenario on a daily basis so I totally understand why you posted this.
LoquaciousLaura says
I am a chubby woman who doesn’t have a baby, and the same thing happened to me, in front of both strangers and coworkers … I haven’t ever worn that blouse again!
Brandy says
I’m so glad you addressed this in such a gracious way. I always feel so bad for you when you get this question/statement hundreds of times a day. Hopefully, everyone will calm down and let you announce it in your own fabulous YHL way….one big blog bomb :) Always a class act either way! Hope you have an awesome weekend drinking wine, eating sushi, and spoiling Clara as an only child as long as you can!
Melanie says
Good for you! I feel like I get asked fairly regularly when I’m going to have kids now that I’m in my 30s and my husband and I have been married for nearly two years. We’re thinking about it this year, but seriously, it’s no one’s business! And I completely agree on bullet 2!
Emma (Broke Ass Home) says
(and i also hope you guys just copy and paste this into comments that people ask if you’re pregnant instead of explaining it a thousand times a day)
Maya says
Agreed!!
Maya says
Also, just wanted to say– I’m four years older than my little sister, and I think that was an AWESOME age difference. I was old enough that I was SO excited for her to be born and absolutely loved being kind of a little mom / activity coordinator for her throughout our childhood. Now we’re still very close. I think having a toddler and a baby is DEFINITELY overrated. :) I have a 17-month-old right now and I’m hoping for at least three years between kids here too.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw it’s so sweet to hear that the 4 year span was great for you Maya!
xo
s
JenB says
My sis and I are six years apart and are extremely close. We were even pregnant at the same time…TWICE!
YoungHouseLove says
So sweet!
xo
s
Kelly P says
This is so true and I can absolutely relate. I’m in my mid 30’s and have been married for 5 years and I don’t have kids (yet). If I had a dollar for everytime someone has asked my ‘status’ I could travel the world 3 times. It sometimes makes me so sad – if I could I WOULD have babies already, but my situation is complicated and I feel so awkward when someone asks. Thanks for your PSA. Hopefully word will get around and peeps will just quit asking – even if it is with the very best of intentions.
Misouintree says
Um, so this post reminded me of a dream I had a few months ago when we were planning to go to your book signing in DC (didn’t make it, bummer!). So what happened in the dream was: I was you, Sherry, and “we” were in your first house and “we” were telling John about how he will be a dad and Burger will be a big brother. Very strange indeed, but it really felt emotional and real. So yeah, apparently I have weird dreams about people on the internet. One of the nicest people on the internet though.
YoungHouseLove says
Haha! So odd!
xo
s
Tracey says
I feel for you guys! First, having to deal with it personally and second, having to deal with it in public like you’re the Jolie-Pitts! I cringe every time I read someone comment about it! I deal with some similar comments and its no ones business but your own. Wishing you guys the best!
Allison says
So well-said (written?) for a delicate topic. Pregnancy is such a personal topic – and can often have hidden hardships that it’s a good reminder just to stop and think before blurting out questions on a topic that should be up for the person to initiate – not get asked about.
Thanks for sharing this!
Lindsay says
Good for you! I don’t read all your comments but I find it annoying how obssessed people are. And agree that even if you were, you aren’t going to announce until you are ready.
Coming from someone who is experiencing fertility problems, nothing hurts worse than having someone ask you. Especially when you don’t want to tell most people what you are experiencing. And really, why should anyone care if and when you have another child? You will do it when the time is right.
And yay Clara for loving Adam like we all do! Girls got good taste :)
Lindsay says
Also, you were HOT while preggo with Clara. You were rocking the belly but still had a skinny figure :)
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Lindsay! I promise there are some prego photos where I’m like “uh, we’re burning that one.” Haha!
xo
s
Kelly Lynn says
Ha! I almost spit my coke out when I read that reply! Too funny! Flashback of all my worst pregnancy pictures!
Stephanie @ Sandpaper & Glue says
good for you for posting this Sherry, you handle things like this which such tact. :)
Andy says
err… just had a typo.
“When Young House Love Baby #2 COME, it will be fantastic”
Megan says
I know exactly how you feel! We have an almost 20 month old sweet ‘baby’ girl and get this question ALL the time. I had Hyperemesis and was literally clinging to life during my first pregnancy. I too know that all the questions come from a good place, but it does get tough. The best to you and your beautiful family!
Michelle says
You are a classy, friendly, inspiring woman. Thank you for setting such a good example.
kelly says
I wanted to comment and show support but couldn’t think of exactly the write thing to say… and then I saw this comment. Michelle said it perfectly so I will just say “ditto!”
Alexa says
Well said and thank you. People mean well but you don’t to get into technicalities with EVERYONE. After being with my bf for close to 6 years and being 37 years young – I too get asked this same question. My doctor just gave me the go ahead and when I am with child I will shout it from the rooftops! :)
Christy says
You know, I literally just had this thought yesterday. I find myself getting uncomfortable for you any time I see someone asking about this. Maybe it’s because I had a high risk pregnancy myself and understand the need to proceed with caution or maybe it’s because I just flat out think its rude to ask any woman if they’re pregnant ever (even if she’s 2 weeks past her due date and crowning in front of you!) I think the rules are that if the girly bits belong to you, then you get to decide if/when you want to talk about them and no one gets to question you.
Props to you for handling this so gracefully. Good luck with whatever comes your womb’s way! :)
Jennifer says
I think this is a really well written post. It always amazes me how other people think it is their right to know someone else’s reproductive status. As someone who has struggled for years with infertility and multiple pregnancy losses, every time someone asks me that dreaded question, I never know what to say because it’s not really their business.
I hope when you guys are ready to add another child to your family that everything goes quickly and smoothly, and you are allowed to share your news in your way when you are ready. Hopefully this post will make a few people think about how hurtful questions like that can be.
Sara T. says
I am so glad you wrote this post! I can’t imagine how ANNOYING it must be for people to constantly say stuff about how maybe you’re pregnant, whether it is coming from a good place or not. It is NO ONE’S business but yours and John’s. Just because you virtually let thousands (or is that millions? :)) of readers into your home each day it does not mean you have to share personal matters like a possible pregnancy! High five to you for writing such an eloquent post to your readers/fans about what is and isn’t appropriate!
Cam says
Thank you for the list of “why not to ask” With my 3 bffs from high school pregnant at the same time, I got a lot of “what about you?” I’ve not been able to get pregnant before and now with an unemployed-student-husband we are just trying to make ends meet. At this point in my life I thought we would have started a family, it’s just not in the cards right now. I don’t need randos pointing it out all the time. Even one of my bffs pushed the questioning too far. Everyone’s life path is the right one, even if other people don’t see it that way!
Lindsey S says
Couldn’t agree more Cam! I’m in the same boat!
Anne @ Planting Sequoias says
Sheesh, Sherry, could you get any more tactful and gracious and awesome?! ;) I’m taking notes…
samantha says
true dat, double true!
Crystal Cole says
I heard princess Kate is having a girl. Is that allowed? I would be so nervous? Can she breast feed her own baby or will there be a “wet nurse”? Gah!!
Marguerite says
Sherry you are really just the sweetest. You handled that topic so kindly. I wish your beautiful family all the best.
Jaime says
Can I get an AMEN?! up in here?!
Rebecca says
Good for you Sherry! People mean well, but seriously it’s none of their business! Great post; very polite but straightforward. It’s nobody’s business except for you and your husband! Happy (belated) Birthday btw. It looks we share the same birthday. :)
Kit says
Might I add one more possible dicey result? Adoption. Mamas might not be keeping the bean and asking questions like, “when are you due? Are you so excited?” can be upsetting, though well meaning folks may never know.
That’s all I got. Keep living it up while the ute is vacant.
xo
Kim R. says
Perfectly said. I have often worried how the constant questioning might be affecting you. It’s tricky enough for us normal girls of childbearing age who don’t have the whole internet watching every move our uterus makes. Love and prayers for y’all whenever that time does comes around again, and thank you for always sharing your lives with such grace and humility. It always amazes me how I feel like we’re totally best friends and I wouldn’t hestitate to say hey to you on the street if we ran into each other, yet I know I am just one of millions of readers who enjoy your blog (and everything else you do) every single day! Thank you and happy weekend! Hope y’all have something fun planned!
Haley says
Loved this so much. I’m a gal who has lots of problems getting pregnant and had troubles before getting my now 3 year old son and am now in the awfulness of trying to have #2. It is hard hearing the comments made to me. It hurts my heart every. single. time. No matter how good the intention was behind it.
But, you know what I’m learning? Contentment. Life is good, even if it ends up just being the 3 of us in my little family.
Love the honesty. Love you guys – for realz.
Katie says
Good for you for saying so (and link back to this post whenever you get the question in the future).
I’m almost surprised that your readers haven’t started “calling it” for John, given those 8 pounds he gained during the book tour ;)
YoungHouseLove says
Haha!
xo
s
Amy says
What a gracious way to address such a sensitive topic, Sherry. Your family is entitled to privacy, and you have handled this beautifully. Best of luck to you, and prayers that any future pregnancies will be safe and healthy.
stewart anne says
Well said. That was a brave thing to do–to actually address the “is-Sherry-preggers” dialogue that must get really old hearing all the time. It’s your decision and your family. I’m impressed by your courage to stand up and take hold of it a little tighter. Way to go. I feel like a cheerleader, ha, but seriously, you go lady.
Heather says
Thank you SO MUCH for this post. My husband and I are constantly fielding inquiries about when are we going to have a baby already??!! And I know everyone means well, but you know…we’re trying and it’s not quite happening and all those questions can really add to the stress and disappointment.
I just think this post is a really polite way of reminding people that a seemingly innocent question can be annoying, painful, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions. Thanks for keeping it classy :-).
Happy Friday!
Tara Miller says
So.Classy! Lots of love and thoughts your way! <3
Brandy says
As always, a true class act! Have a great weekend spoiling your little princess, drinking wine and eating sushi! We know you’ll give us a blog bomb when the time is right for you!
Rachel says
You are a class act, $herdog. Straight up.
(I’m starin’ down 35, not yet married, still child-free… would you mind writing a nice little BACK.OFF.PEOPLE post on my behalf??) ;)
Michelle says
Thank you!! I never fully realized how insensitive these questions can be until I got married and started trying for a baby. We haven’t been able to get pregnant yet, and the questions are extra frustrating because its too personal to me to share that we’re trying and it hasn’t happened, and also a depressing reminder every time someone asks! I now have a new sensitivity to teasing people about when they’ll have kids or whether they are preggo.
Sara says
Also, having two babies is way harder than one baby–y’all have so much on your plate, don’t let anyone rush you!
Jen says
Sing it sister!
samantha says
love you guys!!! internet hug back atcha :)
Amanda B says
Very true! What a great way to post this!
We’re not trying yet, but we’ve been married for 2 years. I just want to ask people if they’ll pay off our student loans so we can start. :p
Kim says
Great post. I hated it when our families would ask us when we were going to have a baby; I can’t imagine how it feels to be asked 100s of times by virtual strangers. I always feel for you when you have to point out that no, you’re not pregnant in a totally irrelevant post.
Sarah L says
I haven’t posted a comment in years, but this is an amazingly gracious post and it makes me want to send you all the love possible. Your story was heart-wrenching and amazing. There will be thousands keeping you in their thoughts (and prayers if so inclined) if and when you decide to add another little human to your adorable family.
Rene' @ thedomesticlady.com says
Thank you for sharing this. I have wanted to spank (not in a freaky way) your readers lately with all the pregnancy talk. Seriously, it’s none of their business!!
janet says
well said. :)
Mia says
Bless you, Sherry! We have a wonderful little son now but the road to baby making was a rough one for us. Despite all the good intentions of the curious out there, fielding the questions can be really tough, leading to more than a few spontaneous teary outbursts on my part.
Thank you for writing such a lovely, gracious post.