State Of The Uterus Address, 2013

And now for a bonus Friday afternoon post (aw yeah, I’m a rebel without a cause). Every day on average I get about five readers either asking if I’m pregnant or straight up “calling it” via comments, email, twitter, pinterest, instagram, or carrier pigeon. Which adds up to answering that question – and crushing the dreams of those calling it – around 150 times a month, and a whopping 1,800 times in the last year. The prego-chatter has even hijacked a few comment threads on posts about non-uterus-y topics like room updates and tour infographics. Holy bump-watch, batman! We haven’t seen one of those around here since 2010.

First I’ll get one little detail out of the way: I’m not pregnant. My womb is currently uninhabited.

It’s actually really cool that so many people are excited about the possibility of us expanding this little family of ours. But with the complications of my past (here’s Clara’s birth story for more on that) nothing is guaranteed. My next pregnancy will be high risk and my next child will have a 25% chance of the same life-threatening complication that Clara had. So that definitely contributes to our timing and our general state of mind with regard to any potential bun in the oven. And sometimes all the “you’re prego!” guesses can be a little tough to field day in and day out.

I completely understand that all the excited folks who are inquiring don’t mean any harm (in fact I feel like I should be hugging you while typing this, seriously I love you guys) but in general I think asking someone if they’re pregnant can be a little dicey…

  • It can suggest that you think they’ve gained weight (sometimes I have a tummy – thanks burrito! – but it’s not a baby)
  • It can unintentionally sadden someone who has had trouble getting pregnant or has miscarried (neither of which I’ve personally encountered up to this point, but I certainly could moving forward)
  • It can put them in an uncomfortable position if they are pregnant, but aren’t ready to announce it (which eventually could happen to me for sure)

So this little uterus-centric service announcement is just to solemnly vow to you guys that when the time is right, if we’re blessed with another bouncing bean in the oven, I promise, you will know. Heck, we’ll be so freaking excited that there might be another t-shirt in it for Burger…

So sit tight and know that although you won’t be the first few people we tell (gotta give that privilege to the fam) you’ll definitely hear it straight from our perma-smiling mouths (er, keyboard?) if we reach that safe-to-share milestone. Until then, picture me sipping wine, eating sushi, and soaking up non-prego life as it is right now. With my sweet pooch, my nail-gun-slingin’ hubby, and my little miracle girl (who currently knows the words to nearly every Adam Levine song – seriously, try her).

Thanks so much for understanding, guys. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. And I hope you’ll be sweet to each other in the comments (everyone’s hearts are in the right place about this whole thing). Besides, this means we can all spend more time studying Princess Kate’s royal bump. Where is she hiding that baby? Seriously, can somebody tell me? My belly blocked the view of my feet by 20 weeks (see the second picture in the grid above), so I can only guess that superior lineage = superior baby-hiding prowess.


  1. says

    ahh!I’m 20 weeks with our first today and a fellow short girl!

    I’m looking an awfullllll lot like your 20 week photo.
    Not much room to go but out for this little one! :)

  2. Susanne says

    So timely…..just yesterday someone asked me if I was pregnant, if my husband and I planned to have kids, and assured me that “I still have time”. It still shocks me that some people, though well meaning, don’t realize how personal these questions are. Thanks for the post , Sherry.

  3. Vanessa says

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I have one child as 6 year old so I have been getting those questions for about 5 years now. My daughter was extremely premature ( 10 weeks) and not only that I had a tough pregnancy with abnormal blood work and sonograms. Thankfully my little Ava is a healthy 6 year old now. I honestly think I am just scared and know I will be high risk if there ever is a second time around. Its a little hard for others to understand that I guess. But you are right their hearts are in the right place. Thanks for sharing.

  4. says

    where as I would just say…”back off yo…it’s my uterus not yours….go bug somebody else about populating the earth…”…you my friends…are too gracious to belt that out. I tried for 9 months to get preggers (13 years ago)…and then naturally ended up with twins. Since then…almost every year since they were two I have heard..”so you going for another set…??” to which my honey always responds….ahh no…we have populated the earth enough already;)

  5. Eileen says

    What people don’t realize when they ask that very personal question is that if you are pregnant, they put you in the position of either a) being truthful and revealing news you aren’t comfortable sharing yet or b) lying. I have four kids, and it seemed I was always perpetually offending someone who thought I should have told them about my pregnancy sooner or who felt I hadn’t been straight with them. You can’t win. Were I in your shoes, I’d be soooo tempted to issue a blunt statement like, “We will not be commenting at all on any inquiries about a possible pregnancy. Period.” You are one classy dame, Sherry!

  6. says

    This is an amazing post. It’s extremely rude to ask a woman if she’s pregnant, for all the reasons you listed and even more. I’ve been married for coming up on two years, and I even find the question “So when are you guys going to start a family?” really invasive. It’s SUCH a personal topic. What if I am having fertility issues? What if I’ve recently had a miscarriage? What if I’m choosing not to have children and don’t feel like justifying that decision to people I barely know? When my best friend was pregnant a couple years back, there was a somewhat awkward eight-week period when I knew she was probably pregnant, just not ready to share the news. And I never once asked her, because I knew she would share the news when she was ready. I think some people forget that you are a real person, and if they wouldn’t ask you a question or make a comment in real life, they shouldn’t pose it on the blog. Great job politely standing up for yourself, Sherry!

  7. Melissa says

    I am trying to look through the comments to see if you answered this, but my computer is being weird. Where did you get the burger big brother shirt? Or did you make it?

  8. Brittany D says

    Sherry, I can 100% relate to your mix of frustration and appreciation. Thanks for informing those who don’t think before they speak. You never know that person’s situation and shouldn’t assume anything!

  9. Krystal says

    I love this. As a person who has had both infertility issues and a heartbreaking miscarriage, this is exactly what people need to hear! Seriously, why do people think its any of their business what goes on in your bedroom (which really is what it boils down to) or your uterus? Irritates me!

  10. says

    Kudos to you, Sherry, for handling a sensitive topic with aplomb. We (thankfully!) have a gorgeous girl, but faced two years of secondary infertility (yes, we tried everything – before realizing it wasn’t going to happen (I wrote about it here: Since all of our friends are in baby zone, I was asked constantly if I was pregnant, especially since I’m a plus-sized woman. I shared with my friends, that unless someone tells you they are pregnant – never, ever ask – it’s so personal! If it’s a close friend, then just offer to listen. All this to say, thanks for writing this.

  11. Jenny G. says

    Number two on that list is really the only reason you need. People just do not seem to get how insensitive that question is, whether well-meaning or not. To someone with fertility issues or pregnancy loss, every time they get asked that it’s like a slap in the face, and a reminder that they are mourning the loss of their child they will never have.
    Also? Secondary infertility is a very real thing. Just because someone has had a child doesn’t make them a baby factory.

  12. KiTX says

    I wondered if a post like this would happen at some point, and I’m really glad it did- and in such a graceful and lovely way. I have a common disorder called PCOS that makes getting pregnant more difficult (and for some women, impossible). The questions from family and friends ranged from annoying to uncomfortable to just painful, even if you know they’re coming from a well-intended place. I think it’s a lot easier for everyone involved if people just follow my husband’s general rule- “Never ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see a baby coming out of her, because she’ll probably tell you if she thinks you should know.” :) And sidenote- now that I’m very happily 4 months pregnant myself with the help of modern medicine and my bump popped a day ago, what IS up with Kate’s barely there bump??? That girl is just amazeballs in every way.

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