And now for a bonus Friday afternoon post (aw yeah, I’m a rebel without a cause). Every day on average I get about five readers either asking if I’m pregnant or straight up “calling it” via comments, email, twitter, pinterest, instagram, or carrier pigeon. Which adds up to answering that question – and crushing the dreams of those calling it – around 150 times a month, and a whopping 1,800 times in the last year. The prego-chatter has even hijacked a few comment threads on posts about non-uterus-y topics like room updates and tour infographics. Holy bump-watch, batman! We haven’t seen one of those around here since 2010.
First I’ll get one little detail out of the way: I’m not pregnant. My womb is currently uninhabited.
It’s actually really cool that so many people are excited about the possibility of us expanding this little family of ours. But with the complications of my past (here’s Clara’s birth story for more on that) nothing is guaranteed. My next pregnancy will be high risk and my next child will have a 25% chance of the same life-threatening complication that Clara had. So that definitely contributes to our timing and our general state of mind with regard to any potential bun in the oven. And sometimes all the “you’re prego!” guesses can be a little tough to field day in and day out.
I completely understand that all the excited folks who are inquiring don’t mean any harm (in fact I feel like I should be hugging you while typing this, seriously I love you guys) but in general I think asking someone if they’re pregnant can be a little dicey…
- It can suggest that you think they’ve gained weight (sometimes I have a tummy – thanks burrito! – but it’s not a baby)
- It can unintentionally sadden someone who has had trouble getting pregnant or has miscarried (neither of which I’ve personally encountered up to this point, but I certainly could moving forward)
- It can put them in an uncomfortable position if they are pregnant, but aren’t ready to announce it (which eventually could happen to me for sure)
So this little uterus-centric service announcement is just to solemnly vow to you guys that when the time is right, if we’re blessed with another bouncing bean in the oven, I promise, you will know. Heck, we’ll be so freaking excited that there might be another t-shirt in it for Burger…
So sit tight and know that although you won’t be the first few people we tell (gotta give that privilege to the fam) you’ll definitely hear it straight from our perma-smiling mouths (er, keyboard?) if we reach that safe-to-share milestone. Until then, picture me sipping wine, eating sushi, and soaking up non-prego life as it is right now. With my sweet pooch, my nail-gun-slingin’ hubby, and my little miracle girl (who currently knows the words to nearly every Adam Levine song – seriously, try her).
Thanks so much for understanding, guys. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. And I hope you’ll be sweet to each other in the comments (everyone’s hearts are in the right place about this whole thing). Besides, this means we can all spend more time studying Princess Kate’s royal bump. Where is she hiding that baby? Seriously, can somebody tell me? My belly blocked the view of my feet by 20 weeks (see the second picture in the grid above), so I can only guess that superior lineage = superior baby-hiding prowess.
Katie says
How frustrating that you even have to point this out to people! But you handled that so graciously, great job. I’m due with our first in 3 weeks, and my hubby and I have learned that for some reason everyone thinks they have a right to know all of these very personal things about you (even those of us who aren’t “famous” like you! ;)), but know that there are lots of us who are totally understanding that you won’t tell us until you are good and ready and that is not only okay but how it should be! Thanks for all you do share!
Lady ID says
I had no idea people were asking you this but I just want to say that you are handling it with a lot of grace while being direct :)
Amanda says
Sherry, you handle this topic so gracefully!
What annoys me (as a mother of one child) is how people always assume that we want another. “Better start trying now” and comments like that. Most of the time I’ll just reply: “You know what, I’m really pleased with the perfect child that I got, so I don’t really see the need for another”. That will shut people up, especially the ones who have more then one kid ;-)
Actually, I might want another- but how is that those nosy peoples buisness??
Jenny C says
agreed!
Michelle says
Thanks so much for this post, Sherry. So gracious. It stresses me out by proxy when people start speculating publicly about whether you (or anyone) is pregnant, and it’s a relief to see you gently nip it all in the bud.
Ashleigh says
Bravo. People don’t understand that questions and comments about pregnancy can hurt. Very, very well-said :)
I work with a lady (ironically, our VP of human resources) who asks every married young woman in the building when she’s going to have a baby. Finally another co-worker came to my rescue and answered for me one time saying “I bet she’s getting pretty tired of hearing that question!”
YoungHouseLove says
That’s awesome!
xo
s
ShellyP says
Sherry: WAY TO GO GIRL! You have an easy, breezy communication style and your used all of your tools to address this particular issue. I get that you and hubby are an open book, transparent and share generously — which is one of the reasons why YHL is so successful. At the same time, that doesn’t mean your followers have permission to trample boundaries and pry into private and personal matters. 150 inquires a week did you say? UGH! What a pain.
Please keep us readers updated on whether this message hit home and the inappropriate inquires are mitigated or reduced. There will always be those knuckleheads who think they are being helpful by asking because they are SOOOOO into YHL and SOOOOO into you and John. That’s no excuse for being respectful of privacy and personal matters.
I HOPE IT WORKS!!! People: Mind Your Own Business!!!!!
ShellyP says
Editorial correction “That’s no excuse for being DISRESPECTFUL of privacy and personal matters.” (typing too fast)
Megan says
very well said!! After being pregnant and having many friends who have experienced miscarriage and infertility, I always think it’s a good rule of thumb to just not bring it up unless a person offers the info. It can be such a painful subject and put people in awkward situations. I’m glad you said something about it so that people will just chill out!! :) And you don’t look the least big pregnant, just as skinny as ever!
Sarah says
Good for you guys to lay it all on the table! Our son is three and a half years old and we are constantly told that he’s getting older (as if we don’t realize that) and asked when we’re going to have another child. What I want to tell people is that we’ve been trying for a year and a half and have gone through a miscarriage, but instead I just smile politely and say “Maybe one day!” I realize they may not understand, but after going what we’ve gone through I never ask anyone anymore. Thank you for sharing.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Sarah, I’m so sorry for your loss.
xo
s
Stacey says
Yes! I applaud you for this post. I always cringe when someone asks in a post or when you have to add a disclaimer within your posts. I wish more people realized how private this issue is and how difficult questions about pregnancy can be.
Monica B says
I applaud you for tackling the subject in such a classy way. If only we could get it broadcast on national television. The public in general should know and respect this. Unfortunately they don’t and sorry you’ve had to deal with all that. I can only imagine what Kate Middleton must’ve felt like! :)
Meg says
Great post. I’m a mom of an only and she is the bomb diggity! Your family decisions shouldn’t be any one else’s business no matter how well intentioned. You have an incredible family and are blessed beyond measure. A well lived life is the ultimate reward – if you have one child or nine (like I grew up in!)!
Have a fantastic weekend!
Alicia says
I agree with all you said and it’s definitely no one’s business but yours. I can sympathize a little, it took longer than “normal” to get pregnant with my first and all those well meaning comments asking or predicting that I was pregnant would have me crying in private. You have a beautiful family (as I know you’re aware of).
Ginny says
I agree that, “Are you pregnant?” isn’t a good question to ask anyone ever. Too many ways it can go wrong.
I think so many people loved following your pregnancy before and would love to see Clara as a big sister that they overlook their manners a bit. Being on the other end of the internet makes it a heck of a lot easier to ask awkward questions, fo’ sho’!
The decision to expand a family is a personal one. Take your time and if you decided to add a second bean, we’ll be here for you :) If you decide that Clara is an only-bean, we’ll be here too!!
Katy@TheOpenDoor says
Great post, Sherri! I think this is something so many of your readers can probably relate to. I should start referring some of my family members to read this… :)
On an unrelated note, I wanted to tell you how much I love the new color in the kitchen! I liked the grellow before, but I didn’t realize how much it was “stealing the thunder” from the other great features in the room until you repainted. It’s still a bright and happy kitchen but with a soothing touch!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Katy!
xo
s
Katy@TheOpenDoor says
Ooops, sorry for spelling your name wrong SherrY! Katy with a Y should know better! :)
YoungHouseLove says
Haha, no worries! I don’t even notice anymore since my name is spelled so many ways :)
xo
s
Sunnie says
Just wanted to let you know that was such a sweet post and a nice way of reminding people that feelings can be hurt when asked if you’re pregnant and you aren’t! (Which has happened to me more times than I’d care to talk about even though I’m not overweight! I tried to channel it into workout motivation, haha.)
Mandy says
on a related note, could you start a campaign to end the use of the terms “preggo” and “preggers”? As if “pregnant” is a bad word or just not “cute” enough?
From someone who is due any day now, definitely appreciate your time spent NOT pregnant! I’ll be having the sushi and wine sent in to the recovery room as soon as I can muster the words out of my pelvic-pain-free body.
YoungHouseLove says
Haha!
xo
s
Hayley says
On the same note – we have 2, a boy and a girl, so I always get, “one of each, you must be done, huh?” It’s like, really, so what if I have one of each, what if I want more. What if I want 3 and to make one a middle child? What if I want 6? It’s no one’s business but those involved in the baby making process. ;)
Ashley says
$herdog for President! Thanks so much for this post. Yet again, such a wonderfully classy response!
Beth Platow says
So well put! I have a daughter just about Clara’s age (who just might be Clara’s doppelganger) and everyone asks us the same ALL THE TIME. I don’t have a blog and a gazillion followers, but it’s pretty difficult to deal with, so I commend you on what you wrote!
Gina says
I have also never really commented before although I have read your blog daily for years. But I wanted to say this was an amazing post for so many reasons. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide is right for your family in the future. And your patience and grace in addressing this issue are a testament to your character.
P.S. Clara could not be cuter or funnier.
Maggie says
bravo & bravo!
First of all, I love that you’re protecting your family’s privacy. Love.
I just recently experienced my first miscarriage. While everyone around me seems to be pregnant, it’s harder still to be asked when we will have kids. Even though it comes from ignorance and the best intentions, it sucks.
YoungHouseLove says
I’m so sorry for your loss Maggie.
xo
s
meg says
People should not ask on the state of your uterus, that is so personal and none ‘o their bid-niz!!! :)
Meghan says
Kudos to you for setting some boundaries, girlfriend! I was grinning ear to ear reading his post. You have taken the curiosity in such a good-humoured way, and this post is no exception. But I honestly felt a sigh of relief for you that you can have some of your privacy back on this matter, for realz. Ain’t nobody’s bidness. Love you guys, and best of everything in the future.
Meg
SherriMc says
Well done, ladybug! Y’all are awesome. Seriously.
Jen says
So. Well. Said.
Seriously, I want to hug you.
xoxo
Momcat says
Move along. Nothing to see here, people. Just move along….
People can be insensitive jerks. I got all the comments too, back when DH & I were trying. Then we adopted. And our child has a disability. You’d think people would be sensitive to THAT. Nope. I am asked all the time if we’re hoping to have another. As if this one isn’t good enough. As if I don’t have a full plate already. As if I can afford another adoption. As if …. (insert insult here.)
I also hated it when my son was younger and we’d take him to a restaurant. “How many? Two and a half??!” they’d say, trying to be clever. But I was smarter than them and better at math. “No,” I’d say, “there’s THREE of us!”
Ya can’t fix stupid.
Loved your post, Petersiks. Way to keep it real. And private.
Allyn says
I’m so glad that you finally said something! I can’t imagine having to constantly deal with that Q, ESPECIALLY after how rough things were with Clara’s birth. I’ve had so many friends who couldn’t get pregnant or had miscarriages that I seriously never ask anyone (unless I know that they would tell me if things were wrong) about the state of their uterus.
Sometimes it’s good to have boundaries.
Hopefully everyone pays attention and respects this!
Maryeliz says
So well said. You’re definitely a class act.
Melissa says
I’m so glad you posted this. I always feel so sad for you when you get comments about this. I admire your honesty and candor!
Ashley says
You go girl!!
Eilene says
What a lovely and mature way to set personal boundaries. You share so much of who you are that I totally trust you when you say (over and over) that you’ll let us know.
I’m so happy that you have the support of so many of your readers as well. Must feel like a great big hug right now :-)
YoungHouseLove says
Amen. Best readers ever. We love you guys like crazy.
xo
s
Jane says
like! like! like! like! Like!
FRECKLES CHICK says
It’s been ages since I’ve dropped in, but something about today compelled me to. Brava, girlfriend, brava. Class act as always.
xoxo
(Agree w/ the long-torsoed prego gal thing. Long torso, short legs here….it looked like I had a food baby for months before shite got “real”.)
YoungHouseLove says
Haha, so nice to see you here Freckles! And I think you should apply to be Princess Kate’s body double. As long as it’s not dangerous. Maybe just for waving on floats and stuff?
xo
s
FRECKLES CHICK says
Oops, I meant ages since I dropped in on the comments section, sorry! Y’all are a daily read, can’t stay away. =]
Have a lovely weekend, guys!
P.S. Would gladly be the Duchess’s body double (you know, if she needs an Asian body double HA) if duties entailed only wearing her wardrobe & having Wills at my disposal.
YoungHouseLove says
Hahah! Seriously, you’d get some nice clothes out of the deal…
xo
s
Kimberly says
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! I couldn’t agree more!
Lauren says
I have been asked whether we’re trying by a number of friends and family members since getting married in 2011. My response is usually, “even if we were, it would probably be best to let ME start that conversation, don’t you think?” That usually gets them thinking that they’re prying into a very personal part of a couple’s relationship.
I can’t imagine having hundreds or thousands of comments on a regular basis! I have to agree with many of the comments I’ve read here… this is such a great post, and so gracefully written. I hope it makes people think twice before they comment in the future.
You have a beautiful family as is, and if or when the time comes for you to make an addition, you know we’ll all be thrilled for you :)
Grace says
so glad you addressed it!! :) it’s such a personal, sensitive subject- it definitely has been for me! i too am a lover of sushi so i shall be sending you some sushi love the next time i have some!
Vanessa says
Amen, sister friend. Some people are just so clueless! Good for you for speaking up! And so eloquently ;)
Lisa Stonehouse says
Sherry,
You’re just so dear!!!! Bless you.
xo Lisa
Bri says
Thank you for writing this! I have been married for a 1 1/2 and that is all anyone ask. My hubby and I will be ready in about a year but right now we are not. You’re right. It does either make you feel very self conscious of your body or sad because you aren’t right now.
A says
This is awesome. By now I would be FAR less classy in fielding repeated pregnancy-related questions than you have been, so hats off to you. You handled it in the best way possible, in my opinion.
Michelle says
Oh good, you got my pigeon… ;-)
YoungHouseLove says
Hahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahhahahha!
xo
s
andrea says
That was a really classy way to address the issue and I commend you for it. I don’t think I could stay so calm and understanding after being hounded about pregnancy so much.
<3 to you and you family, whether or not it ever expands.
Gray says
I can’t get over the fact that someone said “good wishes to your womb” in the comment section. It’s so awesome I fell out of my chair at work! Something about the wording in that just makes me chuckle.
It’s interesting to read about what goes through the mind of people who are in “that family/kids place.” I would never ask someone if they are pregnant, but I also never really took the time to think of all the different ways it could hurt or cause dissonance for the woman in question (since I’m just now entering that stage in my life where my friends/family are actually having babies, transitioning from the high school/college ‘joke’ mentality of pregnancy). I’m not sure if what I just said made sense, but the point is to thank you for your honesty, and for explaining some of the emotional/mental aspects of pregnancy/pregnancy questions from a perspective many of the younger readers have yet to experience.
I’m totally on the 2nd pup train though – but that’s probably because I’m such a dog-freak! Clara would look extra adorbs between two furry friends on your next holiday card! :)
YoungHouseLove says
Haha, you’re right. It’s like “word to your womb.” Hilarious!
xo
s
Jenny A. says
I completely understand! I’ve never asked anyone that question since I found out I was pregnant and announced it to my best friend, then innocently asking, “so when are you guys going to have a baby”, only to have her burst into tears. As it turns out, they had been trying for two years and were having a very hard time. I felt lower than low and have never asked anyone that question since. It can be the most innocent thing but so very hurtful at the same time. I don’t ask until I see a babe in arms. Then it’s just “congratulations”.
leila says
Ohhhhh we feel you on this one! Hubs and I dated for so long that most people thought we’d pop out babies as soon as we were married… and then when all our friends seemed to get pregnant at the same time the peer pressure was on like Donkey Kong. I think that us just not talking much about it/those friends are now too busy with their own children has led everyone to mellow out a bit. But it is SUCH an uncomfortable question sometimes–we haven’t even tried so I can’t attest to the trouble-getting-pregnant or anything like that, but the questions, caring though they may be, only remind me that we just don’t feel financially ready to think about babies, which for a couple trying really hard and desperately wanting children, can really hurt.
Anyways, kudos to you for waiting until YOUR time is right and for your very honest-yet-kind explanation. Your next addition, whenever it comes, will be so blessed to have awesome parents and the sweetest big sister.
Glenda says
As an only child and the mother of an only child, I just don’t understand people’s obsession with the idea that one needs to have more than one child! I got the same questions when I was your age,although not is such a public forum! Lots of love to your little family from my little family.xxx
Molly says
on behalf of women of child-bearing age everywhere, thank you.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw, you’re welcome Molly.
xo
s
Deanna says
Sheri,
I totally understand the hesitation to go waddling back into the delivery room after an experience like Clara’s delivery because I had a similar experience with our second daughter and suffered from PTSD for at least a year following. (Whoa…long sentence!) My OB talked about the risks of a repeat abruption and when we finally conceived our third child, we took lots of precautions, got lots of peeks in there (no complaining here ’cause I dig me some ultrasound love!), and I was induced a smidge early in a room DIRECTLY across the hall from the OR (my first abruption didn’t result in a c-section because the on-call doc was sleeping, eating, or in watching “How to Deliver a Baby” training videos on the lounge or something because she never showed up so I pushed out my baby in record time). (Whoa, another long sentence!)
Our son was born without complications and was the easiest delivery of all three of our children. I just wanted to encourage you that while the numbers say that 25% of those who have had an abruption will see a repeat performance, that means that 75% won’t. I *totally* know what you’re going through because I have walked that path. And I applaud your candor. You’re an incredible example of strength and openness.
Lastly, as a mother who has also experienced 5 miscarriages, your concern for those who have struggled to build their families is thoughtful and touching. The path to motherhood and family is without a bend or twist but the few who have traveled that amazing road sometimes forget that far many more have journeyed a much different route. Thank you for being so generous and considerate.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks so much Deanna! I love hearing that your third was such an easy and uncomplicated delivery and I’m so sorry for your loss when it comes to those miscarriages. To me YOU’RE the incredible example of strength and openness.
xo
s
Quiana says
Folks love projecting don’t they?! I have a daughter the same age as yours and people will not.stop.asking. Ughhhhh! I am SO not ready for baby #2, and it’s no one’s business.
Needle little balance says
Well done Sherry!! Kudos!
I always feel a bit overprotective for you when people ask questions that I feel are too personal (or asume that you put Clara in danger by any project). You are always so kind and more diplomatic than I could ever be when you answer those questions but the lawyer in me would often like to say: my client has the privilege to refuse to give evidence and will not answer any of those. ;) Of course you should share what _you_ want and we all agree that you don´t owe us -your readers- anything personal.