The counters are in and boy are they better than sliced bread. After months of waiting for a surface to dice upon, any old counter would do. But our sparkling new granite is just the bees knees. And instead of revealing the new counters, we’ve decided to make you wait until tomorrow (when the faucet, sink, and dishwasher will be fully installed) and then post the FINAL BEFORE AND AFTERS! Can you tell we’re excited?
But the start of the day wasn’t nearly as thrilling as the end. It was full of the usual trials and tribulations of home improvement. First, when the truck pulled up I thought it was some sort of joke. Check out the vehicle that delivered our gorgeous 520 million year old stone:
That’s right, it’s an Arnold Bread Truck. I thought I was hallucinating. And then when they struggled to transport the insanely heavy slabs into the kitchen and proceeded to wrestle them into place, I expected to peek into the kitchen and see scratched floors, dented cabinets and obliterated appliances. In fact, at one point I passed by only to be greeted by my stove in the middle of the doorway. I never thought the kitchen would have to come apart again only to be put back together after the counters were placed.
But by some small miracle, three ulcer-inducing hours later it looked great. Better than great, actually. And save for one small paint touch up (that I completed once the bread truck pulled away) the kitchen was utterly…
…well, you’ll have to come back tomorrow to see the results for yourself.
Between the numerous pieces of Swedish named furniture I’ve owned (or still own) and my collection of complimentary allen wrenches, there have been plenty of times in my life when I felt like I practically lived in IKEA. I’m sure plenty of you can relate. Especially if your name is Mark Malkoff.
On January 7th, Mark took this notion to the extreme and literally moved into everyone’s favorite meatball-servin’ furniture store. As the comedian documents on his website, he was granted permission to live in an IKEA in Paramus, NJ for six days while his New York City apartment was fumigated for roaches. And this is apparently not his first PR stunt, he’s also known to have visited all 171 Starbucks in Manhattan within 24 hours (which makes me doubt the truth behind his “fumigating” excuse).
Cockroaches or not, it’s definitely an amusing story. If you’ve got a tolerance for overacting, there are plenty of videos to browse on his website. But if you’re like me, you may be better off reading the story here. Either way, I’ve got to hand it to the guy: this is one gimmick that’s hard to ignore.
Maybe I’ll call Target and see if they’re interested in hosting me and Sherry for a little while. We wouldn’t even need to pack any clothes.