House Hunting: Strange, But True
House hunting has been a fun adventure and, like any adventure, it took some weird twists and turns. So we figured since we highlighted some of our close-but-no-cigar finds (here, here, here, and here) we should take a second to share some of our no-way-no-how finds as well. Because they were actually pretty darn entertaining.
First, we encountered a mammoth split level. From the outside it looked like your usual split-level home. Until we got inside and realized it had SIX floors. Yes, six. That’s six times the number of levels we’re currently used to. Granted the top (attic) and bottom (basement) weren’t entirely finished, but still – wow. You can thank my brilliant artist’s rendering below to roughly show you how it was laid out:
Then there was the dark house. Not “this doesn’t get very much natural light” dark. This was “um, there’s no electricity” dark. When we arrived the realtor discovered that the power wasn’t working – whether from the owner not paying the bills or from a storm earlier that day we’ll never know. But bless her heart, the agent was determined to show the house to us anyways. So we busted out our cell phones as flashlights (it was about 6pm on a cloudy day, so there wasn’t much natural light to speak of) and we walked through carefully. In the end, we think the darkness probably did the house a favor because it didn’t appear to be very clean.
And speaking of clean… there was also the house where the owner’s idea of staging was to leave her shoe collection scattered across the master bedroom floor. Picture piles of high heels everywhere (sort of like the pic below, but not running shoes and not nearly as orderly). We couldn’t even step into the room because of the mess. Maybe they were trying to impress us with how many shoes they could afford?
Now I’m sure we’re not the only ones with crazy house hunting stories, so we can’t wait to hear what you guys have encountered. Isn’t it amazing what some people consider “designed to sell”? What craziness have you seen? And have you checked out this site? Oh the hilarity.
Dark room photo from here, shoe photo from here.
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We looked at a house that was a bit outdated, then went outside to see the backyard. On the sideyard, they had an outdoor urinal!!!!! Connected to the side of the house, full visibility – neighbor’s fence/yard was probably 5 feet away. We thought, “Now that’s interesting – it’s too much to walk into the house to use the toilet?” It was only a 2500 square foot lot – the walk wasn’t too far!
I just remembered another one! We looked at a house that definitely needed work – no closet doors and things repainted scary colors inside the house. We went outside and the backyard (not much of it) was all paved with a garage that was the width of the lot. There was a maximum of 10 feet wide space between the garage and house, and couches on the pavement there. There was a rough younger crowd hanging out with babies on the couches. We walk by them to look at the garage, and it was converted to 3 units and had people living in each “unit” in the garage. Funky bathroom areas and all – small kitchenette style kitchens in this tiny space. Carpet rolled onto the cement in one, and astroturf in one. VERY ROUGH conversions if you can imagine – clearly not legal and not livable. The worst part – one of them had a baby crib in there. thinking about it now, I probably should have called CPA or something :(
I looked at over 30 houses and while most were actually decent, and I had few “OMG are you serious!” moments. Among those top moments: large amount of dried blood in a bathtub, a horrific flea infestation, a hoarder house that included the junk, a toilet that had fallen through the floor and was left there (only the tank was above the floor), and the list goes on. Oh, and I can’t forget the wallpaper house. Beautiful house on the outside, but every room, including the garage, had horrible burgundy/forest green/gold stripe or brown plaid wallpaper! The house also featured 2 completely pink bathrooms, and a random oven built into the wall in the basement laundry room.
Long-time reader, first time commenter. I couldn’t resist. We bought our first house this year and definitely saw some strange homes along the way. One that had the heat cranked up so high it was like walking into a sauna. We had to leave we were sweating so badly. Another that to make room for a door that led to an upper floor, was cut at an angle at the top so it could fit into the frame.
Didn’t Sarah Richardson of HGTV’s “Sarah’s House” do a “backsplit” that seemed to have levels forever? It was amazing when she was done with it but I would not have had the imagination for it. All the cool stuff seems to be in Canada…and Sarah Ricahrdson gets her hands on all of it!
Oh, I forgot another one. We also walked through a house that had a toilet right in the middle of the laundry room/work room. My hubby and I refer to it as the true definition of a s#!%%er. LOL
this doesn’t really have anything to do with a particular house. My MIL suggested that we get new toilet seats as soon as we move in so you don’t have to clean them. Then after looking at a lot of icky houses, I really started thinking about all the “miles” on some of those toilet seats. It was the first thing we bought in preparation of moving into the house.
We saw a single home that from the outside looked wonderful and only about 5 years old, but on the inside, you could soon gather that the couple living there was going through a divorce. The house was dirty, some rooms werent fully furnished, and there were stains on the carpets [like a true bachelor pad]. When you went into the master bedroom, there were only the man’s clothes in the closet. The room was also sloppily half painted -half of it tan, and part of it looked newly painted with a dark every green color. But the best part was that in the middle of this grand bedroom, on the cream colored carpet, there was a 18 in diameter circle of the evergreen paint, that had dried up and soaked in to the carpet… and it definitely looked intentional. Must have been a bad divorce… looked like neither of them wanted the other to be able to sell the house. :-/
I looked at a foreclosure where the owners had scribbled on every square inch of every single wall with crayons…all three levels of the townhouse. It also had a bathroom in the kitchen.
Our favorite was the disney and porn house. Avid collectors of expensive disney memorabilia everywhere, original animation cells, statues, etc… And then a closet packed with some of the most explicit porno videos (at least by looks of the covers) ever. The videos actually fell on me when I opened the closet door. One room seemed to have a trap door in the floor. We did NOT want to know!!!
When my husband and I were house hunting we used my co-worker who’s a bit scattered as a real estate agent. We went to this one neighborhood that we had never been to before and were looking for house #27 on Pine Lane. Pine Lane is a circle and it most of the houses didn’t have numbers so we were going by the picture on the MLS listing. We pulled up to the house we believed to be #27 and parked in the driveway. There was an older asian couple outside and they told us that we couldn’t see the house – which we didn’t understand because our agent had scheduled us a 2pm appointment. So, our agent called the listing agent and started trying to sort out the problem. In the meantime my husband and I were looking at the house and commenting about how much work had been done since the pictures were taken for the MLS listing. Where the back door had been, had been closed in and resided. And, the front porch looked like it had been redone. While were commenting about the new chimney a younger asian lady came up to us and started talking to our realtor. She told us that she wasn’t ready for us to see the house and that the open house was the next day – my realtor explained we had a 2pm appointment. The lady told us that we could come in if we gave her a few minutes to just tidy up – and then she’d let us come in. We continued to look at the outside of the house and at this point my husband and I had a sneaking suspicion that we weren’t at the right house, but there were no other houses on the street that it could be. The lady came out and told us we could go in and look. One step in the house and it was painfully obvious that we were definitely in the wrong house. The kitchen looked like it had just been recently renovated and had stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. The bedroom had cathedral ceiling and huge walk in closets and the whole house had beautiful hardwood floors. The basement was finished and the house itself on the inside was just beautiful. We could tell we were not even looking at a house in our price range. We quickly took the tour (since she had been so kind to let us look), thanked her, and moved on to our car where we mused about how beautiful the house was. When we finally found the right house (it was hidden down a long driveway and was actually in the backyard of another home) it was a HUGE disappointment in comparison to the first home. I was so embarrassed but thankfully the lady was selling her home and allowed us to look even though technically she wasn’t on the market until the next day… I think if I ever saw that lady in town I would die of embarrassment. Til this day I can’t do anything but laugh when I think of how we went to the wrong house – the reaction was pretty amazing.
My favorite over all the years of house hunting has got to be the house with the refrigerator in the living room, just as you come in the front door. There was a huge spot for the fridge in the kitchen but they weren’t using it for some reason. When we entered the master bedroom we were greeted with a full size plastic palm tree covered in lights (which were left on for ambiance I guess) next to a full size tanning bed. Uh yeah….that was swanky! I just don’t understand how some people think!
We house-hunted for almost 1 year, mostly seeing short-sales and foreclosures, so we saw a LOT of weird houses. One memorable house was “the orange house” – every room was a different shade of orange! All very bright, all very orange, none exactly alike. It was so weird!
Oh my gosh – that picture of the shoes neatly arranged on the bedroom floor is insane!! I can’t believe you encountered that! My friend just directed me to your blog because my husband and I will likely be doing some house hunting / redecorating ourselves in the near future and I have to say I love your blog! Looking forward to being a regular reader from now on :)
I spent two weekends in August looking at houses with one of the best realtors in Ohio. The first outing, the houses went from horrific to much better. The second outing, they went from good to awesome to OMG GET ME OUT OF HERE!
I remember one house that looked great from the outside. The inside was a different story. It wasn’t BAD just not….good. Random doors were missing, and the rooms that had doors, were missing some of the hinges. One bathroom had only a toilet and a really nasty bathtub, while the other full bath had everything but a sink, mirror, and shower head. There had definitely been a patio at some point but it looked like the previous owners took it with them when they moved out! There was no way to get to the backyard from the inside of the house. No steps, just a four foot jump to the gravel behind the house.
There was a house in the neighborhood I ended up purchasing my home in that I looked at as well. It was beautiful, very clean, with brand new appliances and a renovated kitchen. The listing said there was one full bath and one half bath. My realtor and I couldn’t find the half bath anywhere, until we went down to the basement. I noticed a random tiny little sink in a corner, with a toilet next to it. All the framework was in place to complete the walls for the half bath too!
On the second weekend we went househunting, I looked at a foreclosure that was AWFUL. We’re talking cockroach infestation in the living room (the carpet was MOVING), splashes of red paint everywhere complete with handprints, and the worst wallpaper I’ve ever come across. Another foreclosure was completely gutted, with piles of wood and pieces of wall on the floor in every room. It was definitely the teenagers’ hangout too. One room had an open window and there was graffiti all over the walls. It definitely smelled of illegal substances too!
That’s only the really memorable houses…there plenty more duds with random weirdness!
when we were house hunting we looked at a foreclosure that turned out to be by no means livable. there was a huge hole in the roof and the house was filthy. the creepiest part was in one of the bedrooms the previous occupant had started a grave stone collection. some were really, really old, dating back to the 1800s. it was creepy.
Long time reader and, like many others, first time poster. I just have to share this…
My husband and I spent off-and-on over 2 years with our amazing Realtor looking at every kind of house you can imagine. Nothing, however, competes with this cute one-story brick 1940s-ish home in a “transitioning” neighborhood. The only pictures on the MLS listing were of the outside, so who were we to judge? It had potential. We didn’t know it was currently a rental until we got there and our Realtor knocked on the door because we couldn’t find the Supra.
The lady who answered the door was very uncertain about us even coming in. We should have taken the hint and left. After several minutes of discussion with her, we walked into the darkest, dreariest home ever. You’d never know it was a bright and sunny day being in this house. Sheets and comforters covered the windows, ONE LAMP was on in the living room and a light bulb was on in the kitchen, (Yes, just the light bulb, exposed from a broken fixture) and the TV for good measure. Since I walked in first, I hadn’t realized this tenant had locked the door behind us. All three deadbolts. While I was staring in amazement at how the linoleum in the kitchen had worn away, completely exposing the sub-flooring, my husband was checking out a bedroom – only to find someone sleeping in one! It was so dark, my husband didn’t know he was there and was trying to find a light switch on the wall and somehow turned on the radio instead. There was a very loud “HEY MAN!!” before we realized it was time to leave. That’s when I discovered we were locked in. I was violently and stupidly trying to pull the door off its frame before the one lady came over to undo all the deadbolts.
The tenants – I think there were four of them living there when we went in, but I can’t be sure – hardly said three words to us the entire time. After this, if the house was occupied when we got there, we just didn’t even bother to look at it.
We toured a house, but didn’t get past the living room after we saw a box labeled “rat poison” in the middle of the floor.
Oh, boy. Well, first of all, let’s just say that many homes in the Pittsburgh area…well, their owners are not really concerned with “updating”. Never in my life have I seen so many homes with that awful fake wood paneling, dark, ugly textured (and stained) carpets…My. These are not cool or cute or “oh, this is workable!” time capsules (which we were looking for)…they were just…awful. It’s as if all home decor rejects from the rest of the nation were sent to Pittsburgh at fire-sale prices, and hopeful homeowners said, “Yes! We can make this look GREAT!”
There was one home that, due to poor remodeling wall placement, would have forced everyone to walk from the living room through the dining room, kitchen, corner into the laundry room, and down a hall into the bathroom, instead of from, say, the living or dining room to a hall w/the bathroom. Another had a stream running through the basement…not a trickle, a steady stream of water running across the concrete basement floor. At one home, we stood on the porch waiting for our realtor to open the door; looking around, the neighbors at the house next door were sitting on their front porch WATCHING TELEVISION (TV was also on their porch). This was in a pretty tony neighborhood, too.
One home was really lovely—big porch, new siding and handsome new Pella windows, beautiful new wood floors on the main level. The fireplace had sidelights and the kitchen had stunning brand-new dark hardwood cabinets. Then we went upstairs…and we’re pretty sure there was a dead body up there. The stench was SO AWFUL we all (Hubby, realtor, and myself) turned around midway up the stairs and ran down, gagging and nearly vomiting. I don’t know what happened there, but my guess is the corpse upstairs means the house is still on the market.
The home I’ll never forget, though, was a big brick house on a side street in a sweet, charming city we just love (decided not to move there because the taxes on a 1200 square foot home are about 3,000/year, and that is based on a 10 year-old assessment). Based on the photos, we knew the home needed a lot of interior re-doing, but that isn’t something we’re afraid of; the bones looked great & the price was right, so we visited.
It was bizarre. I can’t explain it, but as we climbed the broad brick steps to the front porch…It was like some sort of darkness settled on us. And this was a bright, sunny day. And it only got worse when we went into the home…just darkness and fear. Even our realtor was getting agitated. I’ve been in many, many homes, and NEVER in my life had I been into a house that felt hostile…but this one did. Hostile. Violent. I have NO Idea what happened in the house, but no high ceilings, original early 1900s moldings, what I’m sure was originally a rather expensive chandelier in the dining room, and pocket doors, the living room set with leaded glass, could have convinced us to buy the thing. We turned on EVERY SINGLE LIGHT in the house and it STILL felt dark and murky.
Weirder? We managed to creep into the basement (I’m telling you, this house was…unhappy!). And the ‘mood’ and ‘feel’ down there was entirely different. In fact, it was almost happy. A man’s workbench, old linoleum floors, wood paneling (of course, it’s Pittsburgh) bare lightbulbs on low ceilings…But it was happy. Unfortunately, we had to go back upstairs to leave and yes, the house still felt oppressive and dark with doom. Unbelievable. I’d love to know the history of THAT place, because it never, ever left.
We were exploring the beautiful deck and huge back yard of one home, and could not miss the two empty wine glasses and underwear sitting next to the hot tub. Our realtor said that was a first for her!
So, my husband and I are house-hunting in Fairfield County, Connecticut–it’s one of the most expensive places to live in the United States…and while our budget is average or even on the nicer side for nearly every other state in the Union, it doesn’t afford us much in CT. So, some of the homes priced in our range can be real winners. There was one we went to see that looked gorgeous from the outside and met all our specs on the inside…until I pulled up and found that it was 10 feet from a busy road on one side, a railroad track on another. My realtor and I went inside to find that there was no electricity, no heat (it was a chilly day in CT) and (in some cases), no walls (just the frames). There was trash everywhere, it smelled of animal…you know, the kitchen had dirty dishes from what seemed to be months ago. The house looked like an episode of Hoarders: Let’s Just Pick Up and Leave. It was when my foot nearly went through a bowing stairstep that we left, not even seeing the rest of the house. Good times.
We were looking at houses earlier this year too. There was one we called the “dead duck house,” which had HORDES of stuffed ducks and geese mounted on the wall. Like an entire flock. Along with the crap piled everywhere, the filthy carpets, and the bedroom painted BLACK, it was a no-go. Then there was the empty house in the middle of nowhere on the river. When we were walking out of the house, I noticed something stuck to the fireplace brick that looked like…a headless bird. None of us would go close to it to see for sure, and then I said, “Maybe it’s a bat?” To that, our realtor ran screaming out of the house thanks to her healthy fear of bats, and we were rolling with laughter. We researched it and found there is a certain type of swallow that will stick to a wall, hide it’s head, and play dead when scared. Those were the two best.
When we were house hunting our realtor scheduled an appointment with a home that was FSBO. We had the fact sheet and at the bottom it stated we must make an appointment at least one hour ahead of time because the home owners had 7 dogs. I thought for sure this was a typo and at the most maybe 2 or 3 animals. The fact sheet was right, there were 7 dogs living in the house…Great Danes! And this couple thought it was a good idea to put all 7 in the master bedroom while we were touring the home (disgusting!). When we made our way to the backyard area we realized there were not only 7 dogs living “inside” but several more outside plus a turkey and some chicken coops.
I could not get out of there fast enough.
When we were house hunting and scheduled a showing for the house we now live in, it was being rented out by a single lady. She had no furniture except for a round coffee table in the living room. We were checking out the closets in the upstairs bedroom and all we saw in them were lots and lots of lingerie, no clothes to be found. When we cam back for the inspection, we found underwear hanging up on a coat hook and scattered throughout the house on the floor. The next door neighbor was greeted by the renter in a see through robe and nothing else in the middle of the day while she was out getting her mail. When we moved in she was here, thankfully with clothes on, yelling at us and tried to punch my husband in the face. We never saw her again, thank goodness!
I couldn’t resist commenting. 8 months of searching and 80, yes EIGHTY houses, and 2 contracts later, we finally were able to find a house, but not without a few adventures in between.
I’ll never forget the house, (that ended up being in the neighborhood we bought in,) that was abandoned and a short sell. They left a live dog inside, along with about a ton of trash–food in the pantry, medicine, family photos, etc. The backyard would have been great if it had been mowed in the last three months or so, and the pool was a nasty dark green. It was so sad to see someone treat a home like that.
One thing that makes me laugh now is the comment, “custom paint throughout!” I quickly found out that usually means poorly done paint jobs with weird colors—usually mustard yellow or a weird purple in the most awkward of rooms.