Burning Question: Feeling Gifted?
This week we’re back with one of those questions that can seriously stump people (read: us). What do you do when people give you home-decor type gifts that you don’t really like? Say your mother-in-law is constantly buying stuff to spruce up your space (but you’re less than enthused at the items of her choosing). Do you put the stuff out for a while and then gradually move it into storage? Do you just learn to love it and display it for the long haul? Do you only put it out when the gift giver is visiting? Do you admit off the bat that it’s not your style and ask if they’d mind if you exchanged it for something that’s more your speed?
We’re itching to hear where you stand on the issue. In fact, we whipped up this handy little poll to keep everything tabulated:
[poll id="17"]
We’d love to hear more about why you voted the way you did, so feel free to comment away with more details.
Image courtesy of Essere Organics.
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The poll was about laundry?
Glitchy- fixed now!
xo,
s
We live across the country from our entire family so any gifts we receive that aren’t our style are stored until we feel it’s safe to give them to Goodwill. Then we try to casually mention that we’re doing some “redecorating” so if they ever ask about it we have an excuse for getting rid of the not-so-great item.
My mom’s partner is obsessed with garage/yard sales and brings home random stuff all the time. I’ve learned from my mom’s experiences of recieving oddities to always politely decline.
My new grandma-in-law gave my husband and me a watercolor painting of the two of us for our wedding. It’s terrifying. Seriously terrifying. It isn’t exactly something we can re-gift so I hung it in the bathroom above the potty to “scare the cr@p” out of people. I figure we can phase it out over time but she lives around the corner and comes over a lot, so we can’t just toss it.
Oh lawrd. Tell me about the weird icky knick-knacks. I always feel bad, but I keep it out for a bit. Then it goes in the garbage, not storage!! :)
I was seriously just thinking about sending you two an email about this the other day! I’ll be interested to see the poll results!
We were plagued with this problem 2.5 years ago when we got married. Ahh…the joys of gift giving! Worse yet-I have to switch out family photos when my mom comes to visit! She snoops around the house and actually counts how many pictures of my family are in frames compared to my husband’s family!
Oh man, my mother in law thinks that since we had a modern beach wedding, (7/7/7 too!) that we would love over the top cheesy beachy decor. Ugly gaudy seashell lamps, strange seagull statues and so on…she sees that my style is contemporary modern, yet still buys me that ugly stuff. I put on a fake happy expression when I open the gifts and then when I get home I donate them to Goodwill. We’ve been living together for 6 years and we have finally been telling her more and more lately that we don’t have a beach theme at all in our home–lets hope she gets the idea soon!
P.S. She visits our home about once a month and can clearly see that we do not have a cheesy beach theme! Oh mother in laws,ha
I thank them for the gift and then throw it away/donate it when I get home.
I have no room to keep things just because someone gave them to me. If it’s not your style, it’s not your style, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to keep it, much less display it, and why clutter your house with things you don’t want or like?
I can’t deter my mother-in-law from giving me anything, even after telling her it’s not my style, so this is the easiest approach.
I picked one and two- depends on just how horrifying the object is, and how often I see the person. When a friend who lives overseas gave me a truly hideous home decor object, I had no qualms about regifting it directly to Goodwill (okay, well only after it lived in the Closet of Guilt for several years and we moved it three times) But we’ve definitely gotten some things as gifts that we never would have picked out in a million years, but that we’ve learned to love over time because the gift giver was so close to us and the thing in question was obviously made or chosen with so much love.
You could always “accidentally” break it ;)
I always say “Oh, this would be PERFECT for my OFFICE at work:)”
I blogged about this too, not too long ago! My uncle was visiting and we hadn’t seen him since our wedding, where he gave us a very interesting artefact made out of whale bone and horse hair (don’t ask). We have kept it in a box since, but we did bring it out when he came over. It wasn’t in the most obvious of places, but you could catch of glimpse of it, which I hope he did. It’s a sticky situation.
Some people see this as mean: but I was taught that once you’ve given something, you have no “right” to it anymore. You certainly no right to expect that your hideous vase will be put in the front foyer. If your gift isn’t able to be used by your original gift-ee, but they can give it to someone who will use it, so be it. I dislike the notion that gift-giving needs to come with a whole lot of guilt. When you’re on the receiving end, you accept it nicely and politely, and then it’s yours to do with as you please.
Oh Sherry and John,
I love this post! I cannot wait to read what people do in this situation.
My Dear M.I.L. not only does this with home decor items, but with everything! Clothes, shoes, knick knacks… She’s really a penny pincher (which is an awesome thing) and will look for the best deals instead of sticking with someone’s style. Bless her heart for her generosity and excitment, but I’ll usually thank her and just store it for a month, then give it to the goodwill.
Last year for Christmas was “everyone gets 3-4 pairs of shoes” year. She got so excited about Zappos, that she bought everyone at least 3 pairs of shoes. Oye, gotta love em!
What comes to mind is a lamp we got as a wedding gift from some friends of the family. It was truly not our style – a nautical theme. We were puzzled since we thought they knew us well enough to see it wouldn’t fit in our decor. Luckily they didn’t visit much, so we brought it out the time or two that they did. Then it went into storage for a while. Eventually we gave it to my mother-in-law for her weekend house on the water (a perfect place for a nautical themed lamp!). We let many many years pass so that when the gifters visit the weekend house hopefully they don’t realize their wedding gift to us has found a new home. And if they do, I hope they are happy that someone has found the perfect spot for it!
We have a very strong “if we don’t love, we dont keep it” rule in our house. On occasion we have been the recipients of some truly hideous items. I pass them on to someone who would appreciate them or send them to goodwill. I just can’t imagine anyone being upset because something they gave us was not displayed…we have a tiny house.
I hope I don’t hurt anyones sensitivities by saying that teeny tiny crystal figures are not my taste. When I got married, I recieved two: one of two birds sitting on a tree branch, and one of a baby carraige. They must have been a fortune; they were Swarovski. Did I feel bad? Yes. My family is pretty open, though, so we just pass along gifts like that to other family members so that someone who would enjoy them gets to, and that way the sentiment is appreciated as well as the giver, and what goes around usually comes around. “I don’t like Swarovski birdies, but I would love that peace lily you detest”, etc.
If there is a gift receipt, I will get something I like, if not then it goes into storage and comes out for a garage sale. Or regift if I know someone else will like it. Or even just give it to someone else that I know will like it.
I recently had to ask myself this same question. When I got my first apartment by myself after my divorce last year, family and friends were eager to help me stock the place with things to make it feel like home. The trouble was that nothing matched, and I felt really awful turning anything away. I finally decided to start forcing things to match. An aunt gave me a really awful candle holder from Kirklands in shades of deep red and brown, it had black candles, for crying out loud. I switched out the candles with bright yellow votives and painted the whole thing white. A tablecloth that was too big and formal for my small eat-in kitchen was turned into curtains and cloth napkins to match, and purple pillow shams were ripped apart and turned into a patchwork tote for groceries. It doesn’t always work, but I love that they care enough about me to give me things to brighten up my new nest, I just can’t get rid of a thing!
My sister is the QUEEN of bizarre decor gifts.
For my birthday I received a White Plastic Triceratops Lamp Puzzle. A lot like John and Sherry’s paper Rhino, except 3 times as big, plastic, not as cool, and a LAMP.
For Christmas hoping to deter more terrible decor items, I requested a few prints from Etsy. I received a HUGE (read about 3ft x 4ft) acrylic painting my sister did herself (who is a decent painter). But it was on a piece of Masonite from the hardware store, with something incorporated from each of the prints I’d expressed interest in. So a cubist painting with lots of pastels in three sections, one with a plant in it, one with a bird, and one with a painting of our (recently) deceased grandfather. It was a good likeness of an incredibly unflattering photo of him.
The lamp is in the guest room. The painting I tried to hang but hated it so much I hid it behind the couch until I can figure out what to do with it.
My grandma is always giving me weird knick-knacks that are not my style. Lucky for me she lives in a completely different town and would never make a surprise visit. Most of the things I just put away immediately. However, I do have a two-foot doll from her that I’ve put in a corner in a room I don’t go into very often. I figure at some point, I won’t even notice it any more.
This is a tricky one! I think many people tend to confuse sentiment toward the gift-giver with the actual item, and feel guilty about not liking/displaying it. I’ve goodwilled so many gifts over the years that are simply not our taste. I figure it’s better to send it out into the world to be enjoyed by someone who will love it rather than letting it collect dust in my closet. I am a clutter-free, minimalist kind of girl, so most knick-knacky type gifts never see the light of day here. However, although I am ruthless with my own stuff, I do tend to feel guilty getting rid of stuff given to my kids (the old, “They might want this someday!”) But hey, you can’t keep everything – stuff comes in, stuff must go out.
I say a genuine thank you, because I do appreciate them taking the time to pick something out and get it for us. Making sure to not lie and say we love it. Write a thank you note after a week or two…and then it gets put in the car to be taken to Goodwill or some other place like that. I dont want anything in my home that I dont really love! I want to feel inspired in our house.
Our perspective:
Would you wear a piece of clothing that doesn’t fit you, just because it was a gift? Probably not, so why do that to your house? We also think people don’t really expect to see all of your decor out in your house all the time. (Just like the Youngsters, we shuffle things around.)
Our solution:
Ebay the decor item that doesn’t fit. Put the money towards our next house project. It was the thought behind the gift that really counted, so using the money to really help improve your home seems like the right fit. Life is too short to put hold onto things that aren’t truly important to you. Why fill your house with them?
PS @ Liz-holy cow. I paint. I’m not particularly genius or anything, but tell me like, four colors you want in an abstract or something you wouldn’t mind a kind of cartoony piece of I’ll make you a replacement that you can say “was from a very dear friend” or something. I can’t stand eyesore art!!! I have some small canvases for acrylics and watercolors and paper, whatever you like. (Another skewed wedding portrait, perhaps?)
OH my goodness!! We just moved into a new home 3 months ago and 2 friends bought us “art” for the walls that I totally detest. I have it sitting in the craft room and I’m trying to decide if I should give it away or what? I don’t want it to go to waste but it is SOOOOO not my taste! Sigh…what to do?! I couldn’t tell my friends I didn’t like it.
Hey Shunta,
It’s a tough spot to be in huh? Hopefully reading through everyone’s answers might give you an idea!
xo,
s
We had received two large mercury glass candlesticks (LARGE) and considering our tastes run to danish/midcentury modern, we had no idea what to do with them. We researched them and knew they were expensive gifts, but we could not even give them away to friends. No one wanted them!
A year later we bought a house and surprisingly those same large candlesticks have found the perfect home in our dining room. In fact, they make such a great statement where they are, that I can’t imagine the room without them. Sometimes it’s worth holding onto things until the right use comes along.
I thank the gift giver and take it to Goodwill the next day. We live in a small house and there is no place to store things we don’t use. I would hope the gift giver would get a hint after too many of these kinds of purchases disapear never to be seen again.
This begs the other question… what do you want/expect a person to do with a gift you gave that is unwanted? Is this a two way street or not?
I figure if it’s ok with me if they take it straight out of wrapping to the donate box, then it should be ok with them if I do that too. But this really needs to be discussed with friends/family. Preferably after a few margaritas. HA
My grandmother-in-law gives us some really awful gifts. I suffered through using the hand towels she gave us, but after she only visited once and didn’t even notice we were using them (and they don’t coordinate with the rest of the room) they’re going to be stored/Goodwilled. She also gave us this awful painted gourd complete with fake bird that my husband put on the bookshelf while she was over and I haven’t decided what to do with it. His parents gave us a large, wooden, pastel Easter egg that I put out when they were coming over for Easter, and they didn’t remember it was from them, so that’s going to Goodwill as well (along with several horrible candle holders leftover from our wedding that came from out of town family who never visit, and maybe some tacky Christmas ornaments.)
My mother-in-law is ALWAYS redoing her home and we get what she doesn’t want any more. I try, I really try, but I just can’t stand “dust magnets”. I keep them in a cabinet in the family room and when I know she’s coming over I set them out on top of the cabinet, back in when she’s gone, door closed!
My theory is that if we receive something that’s not our style, it’s best to voice it, despite however awkward it might be to do so. That way (ideally, anyways) in the future, people are less inclined to buy us stuff for our house (particularly stuff we don’t need, want or like). So far it’s worked with everyone except my aunt, whom I’ve pretty much chalked it up to us getting gifts we don’t like everytime. The plus side with her is if she does notice we don’t have something she gave us lying around, she’s kind enough not to mention it.
I think it also depends on the gift giver. Some of my friends or family don’t mind if I tell them the truth, they actually prefer it. But there are those frinds and family members that take it so personally, and don’t respond well to any type of rejection, even if it is just a taste difference. For those few I usually put it out when they come, for a while, then I good will it! But then there are times when you can re-vamp the gift too..
We politely say it’s not our style.
It’s not easy for us to do this as well, but I see no use in accepting gifts we do not like and getting more and more of them in the future because we pretend to like it.
For example, my grandpa is a painter and we asked him to paint a wedding tree for our wedding (you know, the ones where all guests leave their thumbprint as a “leaf”). However, he did not like the idea of a plain brown tree on a white background (for us it perfectly fits our minimalistic style, for him it’s just something missing), so he added some things without asking we really did not like.
As he painted the tree only because we asked him, it was especially painful for us, but we would have had to look at the tree every day, thinking “this was not what we wanted”, so we told him, apologized and explained and I painted the tree again myself.
I only keep things I don’t particularly like if they have special meaning (like an old family piece) and I usually try to display those. Otherwise, it gets out of the house donated immediately!
If someone gives me something, I immediately say “if I can’t use it, I am sure someone else may be able to.” If it is a gift, I will accept it and see how I can use it in another way. If not, it goes to the goodwill pile.
I mean do yall know who I’m talking about..those members of your team who, sweet as they are, take things to a whole new level over something as silly as an unliked gift? It’s usually their feelings or they’re insulted..whew
This is a GREAT poll! And I’m loving reading what everyone else does — I’m still trying to figure out what to do with the “In-Law-I’ll-Decorate-For-You” gifts — so these tips are super helpful!! Haha! :)
I usually have no problem saying I don’t like something or figuring out how to exchange it. But when my husband and I got married his great aunt gave us what I thought was a large tile she hand-painted with old lady flowers. Turns out she didn’t paint it. It’s now living happily in my mom’s heavily decorated backyard (not a re-gift, a here-I-don’t-want-this donation). She likes it.
We also have a clown painting his uncle made him as a child (which looks like his brother!) that is super scary. It lives turned around in the closet.
I am guilty of taking most of it to Goodwill, and let me tell you, they have received several hefty donations from our house :) I’m trying to work into our conversations things like “I just don’t want extra clutter in the house because it just gets dusty” or “I am really trying to minimize the knick knacks because our one year old tries to eat them all”…things like that. I guess we’ll have to wait until Christmas to see if they’re paying off!
Always wondered how you guys dealt with this… hope you do a follow up on this one!
Hey Holly,
We actually don’t get very many home decor related gifts… isn’t that funny? Maybe because people think we’re covered in that area since we’re always blogging about new finds from Target and HomeGoods? We do occasionally get things that just aren’t our style and for the most part we either donate them to Goodwill, pass them along to someone we know will love them, or display them from time to time (when the gifter visits) but tuck them out of sight for the most part. It’s a toughie though!
xo,
s
I figure once a gift is received then it’s mine to do with what I want. If it can be taken back, I quickly exchange the gift for something that I like. If not, it goes to goodwill. I’ve trained my in-laws pretty well. They now know that I really love gift cards, which is totally fine with me!
I am so bad. I usually throw it in my gift draw and regift it to someone else. If I am ever asked about it, I usually just say that it’s upstairs (where they aren’t invited).
Oh Loren!! You literally made me laugh out loud!! I feel so bad for you. :)
I put the gift out for a bit if the person lives near, then slowly move it to a less prominate place, eventually putting it in a yard sale or to Goodwill when I think it’s safe. I also do this with some of my daughters ‘lovely’ artwork…terrible I know…but you can’t display it ALL.
If there’s no chance they’ll ever visit…it’s gone immediately. And I have ‘accidently’ broke something before too. :)
My MIL is big on Southern Living at Home stuff and that iron looking decor from Hobby Lobby, so we’ve been given several items in that decor scheme. Most recently, it was a giant trellis thing and a couple iron candle holders. I haven’t displayed the trellis yet (actually, haven’t taken it out of the box to assemble it, either), but I’ve been contemplating painting the candle holders. I think some stuff can be used if you alter it to fit your style. Of course, that still doesn’t solve the hurt feelings problem when someone sees you’ve altered their gift to fit your preferences.
I may be in the minority here, but I voted “Keep things out for the long haul and learn to love them.” My apartment tends to skew a bit more on the eclectic side, and I can love almost anything if there’s a funny story behind it. Of course, I love a good home-purging as much as the next person, and the less practical, weird presents I’ve gotten tend to be what get tossed/donated first.
I’d say I am a mixture. My mother in law embroiders some cheesy things like towels with little holiday marshmallows and such. Which I am not crazy about but will still use, though I don’t keep it on display. Then I can think of some random gifts from the wedding and such from people who don’t visit often that I will probably put on craigslist or sell somehow.
Thankfully my family in general are good gift givers – but once in a while we get something that my husband and I look at eachother and say “Whhhaaat??” For instance, we bought our duvet cover at a store we didn’t register at. Since it was the only thing we really wanted fromt that store, instead of registering for the one thing, we just bought it ourselves. So there was no duvet cover or anything on our registery. A dear friend of my MIL (who is notorious for giving bad gifts) gave us just about the most ugly quilt we had ever seen. It was obnoxious and not us AT ALL! We opened it at a bridal shower and had to pass it around to everyone in the room so they could see it with the other gifts and really had to work hard at faking our like of it (and I had to choke down my pride of people thinking we actually registered for it!). We kept it for a while and put it on the guest bed for friends when they’d stay with us as a joke. Then we gave it away to The Salvation Army. A couple other things we’ve kept and given away at White Elephant Christmas parties. :)
The more I think about this, I come to this conclusion. Sell the hideous item at your yard sale then use the money to buy the giver a gift.